


Tobi's Diary!

by Gaybacon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Actual plot, Cussing, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Smut, Gay, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Romance, Smut, Tobi Is Cute, non-crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-24 17:06:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16644275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaybacon/pseuds/Gaybacon
Summary: Anything goes in this story, something new always happens in the Akatsuki base. Whether it's something hilariously dumb and obnoxious or something serious.





	1. Merry Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first works so you'll see the progress in my writing as the chapters go on. It's supposed to be funny and made for the entertainment of whoever reads this.

It was Christmas and all the Akatsuki were united in the living room of the base. They were getting ready to open up all the presents under their Christmas tree.

Everyone had already opened their presents, well everyone except Tobi. They all headed to their rooms to enjoy what they had received. Seeing that everyone had left Tobi decided to go to his room and make use of what he had received. He started by writing in the new diary he had just gotten. 

**_ENTRY #1:_ **

**Dear diary,**

**Today it was Tobi's first Christmas after joining the Akatsuki and he got a nice present from everyone. First Tobi got a present from Kisame-senpai, it was a blue diary. It had little drawings of sharks in the cover and on the back. That's what Tobi is writing in right now.**

**After senpai's gift it was Konan's turn, she got Tobi a brand new black nail polish and Tobi was very happy! (Tobi's old one was running out but now he doesn't have to worry about it)Oh! And it got better, she gave Tobi a hug and some candy!**

**Tobi also got special brownies from Hidan. Since Tobi likes brownies Tobi ate them. Tobi felt funny afterwards and Tobi also noticed they tasted funny like vegetables but different but Tobi didn't mind because they were still chocolate brownies so Tobi went ahead and continued eating them until they were all gone. Tobi was happier than usual afterwards, so that was good (they must have been actually really special since they made Tobi super-duper happy. Plus now he could see cute little animals running around and little shapes he couldn't before).**

**After Hidan's brownies Kakuzu gave Tobi a thank you card for being a good boy and Tobi was really happy because he tried really hard being a good boy and he appreciated being recognized. (It's really hard for Tobi to stop himself from killing all the idiots around base especially that moronic blond bimbo Deidara)**

**Anyway even though Tobi would have liked candy or something else it was still a good present. Especially coming from Kakuzu because he put thought into it (because he's usually a stingy bitch it's probably the best thing he could come up with so he wouldn't have to spend that much money) and that's what matters.**

**After Tobi read Kakuzu's thank you card Tobi got a bag of fertilizer from Zetsu (the plant freak probably thought that that was the best thing he could have given out because he was using his tiny ass pea brain to think about what the "others" would want, and in case you didn't catch the sarcasm he was thinking about what _he_  would like and thought that since  _he_ liked it the others would too. I don't know if he's smart or retarded because like, sometimes he can come up with good strategies but then he falls for dumb things too….. I think he might be retarded but he doesn't know it….. Yup that's probably it)**

**It wasn't the best present ever but it's the thought that counted. It's ok since Tobi has plans for it. (Mostly using it for ruining the others meals and stuff like that)*evil laugh***

**When it was Deidara's turn to give something to Tobi, he gave him a pretty Tobi made out of painted clay and Tobi really liked it... until it exploded.**

**(Maybe Tobi could put those fertilizer bags to some good use and get Deidara back for what he did to Tobi).**

**When that happened, Tobi pretended to cry and Konan got angry at Deidara and smacked him and that made Tobi very happy but Tobi pretended to still be sad (maybe she would continue until Tobi was happy….. on the outside *creepy laugh*).**

**Sasori gave Tobi some potions and poisons so that Tobi could have fun and Tobi got really happy and almost, almost forgot what Deidara did to Tobi but in reality it only made Tobi remember more and made Tobi think of all the things Tobi could do to Deidara. (Tobi was going to make Deidara pay. That stupid flat Barbie was going down *evil laugh*). Tobi thought Sasori's gift was ok, it wasn't something he could wear but it was something useful so Tobi was glad. (At least it wasn't those puppets that somehow managed to creep the shit out of Tobi so that was an upside)**

**The next gift Tobi received was from Pein it was a cooking book so Tobi could make all the things he wanted to eat instead of bothering Konan.**

**(Maybe it was the boss discretely telling me to fuck off and start doing shit for myself… \\[-3-]/ )**

**Tobi was happy because he liked Konan but her cooking wasn't the best.**

**(When she tried to do complicated dishes or sweet things it sucked and everyone ran and hid so they wouldn't be forced to eat that shit).**

**So yeah this gift was a good one but it was slightly insulting to Tobi's ego but Tobi still likes it.**

**The last gift Tobi received was from Itachi. He gave Tobi a book.**

**It was on the history of masks (seriously just because I wear this mask doesn't mean I'm into them and care, it just something I use to cover up my face. He's such a dipshit [-3-]) which Tobi was really not interested in (sometimes Itachi is really fucking annoying. Not everyone likes the same shit he likes….) but Tobi still thanked him because Tobi is a good boy and good boys are polite. Besides, Tobi could do many things in that book! He could draw on the pages and make origami with it, or when someone made Tobi mad Tobi could throw it since it was a big and heavy book. Ok, so in reality Itachi actually gave Tobi a good present.**

**That was it.**

**B** **ye diary, Tobi loves you!**

**P.S.: Remember to stay away from Hidan because you may turn out retarded too (because as everyone knows, that shit is contagious…)**

* * *

The day after Christmas was one of Tobi's favorite days of the year. Since most of the Akatsuki members had a hangover - from the night before - it was really easy for Tobi to do pranks. He would usually sneak into their rooms and take some things - this was incredibly easy because they always slept in - and sometimes he would draw on their faces with sharpies while they slept or wake them up by pouring a bucket of cold water over their faces. Sometimes Tobi  _wasn't_  a good boy.

**Dear diary,**

**Right now Tobi is hiding from Hidan in his closet. Tobi was being a bad boy so he took a sharpie, and since Hidan left his door open, Tobi went inside and drew smiley faces, hearts, and butterflies and wrote "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" on Hidan's side of his face and "LOSER" across his forehead, in addition to drawing a unibrow and a mustache and beard. *laughs*. Ok, it _was_  Tobi's fault but Tobi is still the victim here! Because Hidan was asking for it by oversleeping, plus he shouldn't harm Tobi because as everyone knows he doesn't get how hurt Tobi can actually get because Hidan is immortal!**

**2HOURS LATER**

**YAY! Diary Tobi is still alive! Kisame-senpai is so nice to Tobi. He saved Tobi's life today while Tobi was running for an hour and a half trying to hide from Hidan.**

**Tobi bumped into Kisame-senpai and Tobi explained to him what was going on and Kisame-senpai protected Tobi from Hidan.**

**Afterwards he gave Tobi a long lecture but Tobi didn't listen; Tobi was thinking about how cute and nice Kisame-senpai was to Tobi while staring, so when Kisame-senpai's lips stopped moving and he stared back at Tobi, Tobi said a short but polite "thank you" and added a "Tobi is a good boy!" hoping it would fit with what Kisame-senpai had said. It looked like it worked because Kisame-senpai looked happy and walked away from Tobi without any further comments.**

**This is kind of what happened:**

* * *

**_(Flashback)_ **

* * *

_(Tobi was finishing drawing Hidan's beard with a sharpie while giggling when Hidan suddenly woke up from feeling his face was wet and hearing squeaky giggles)_

" _What the fuck are you doing Tobi?!" Hidan rose quickly and gripped Tobi's wrist. He was pissed, plus he had a hangover so when he woke up he wasn't happy._

_"Um… Tobi thinks Hidan is ugly so Tobi decided to give him a makeover… "Tobi was nervous but that didn't stop him from mocking Hidan._

" _YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Hidan was incredibly angry so he jumped on Tobi while grabbing his scythe and putting it dangerously close against Tobi's neck._

" _AH! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" and that was the last thing Tobi said (or rather screamed) before kicking Hidan off him and running out of the room._

" _OI YOU LITTLE FUCKER GET BACK HERE!" Screamed Hidan while standing up and picking up his scythe and running after Tobi. (For being hangover he was surprisingly agile but that might have been because he was furious…)_

_Tobi ran through the maze, that was the Akatsuki, base until he found Deidara and Sasori's shared room and went inside, without knocking since it wasn't locked, and headed to the closet where he hid for about 15 minutes until Hidan found him and almost chopped his head off._

_After escaping Hidan he ran until he got to the base's kitchen and hid in a cabinet for about half an hour until, once again, Hidan found him and started screaming obscenities and trying to slice at him while chasing him._

_While Tobi was running through a hallway he spotted Itachi's and Kisame-senpai's room, although this time as he was running he bumped into Kisame - the man was walking out of his room to go do some training outside the base. Running into Kisame made Tobi really happy because maybe now someone would help him._

" _What's going on?" asked Kisame; it wasn't unusual to see the Akatsuki fighting but he was a friendly guy who liked helping so he couldn't help but to ask._

" _Help me Kisame-senpai! Hidan is trying to kill Tobi! Please don't let Hidan kill Tobi! "After saying that Tobi started making sobbing sounds to let Kisame know he was crying, since the man couldn't see his tears due the mask concealing his face._

" _YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! COME BACK HERE AND GET WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR WHAT YOU DID YOU HEATHEN!" Hidan was pissed and wanted to make Tobi pay for what he had done to him._

_At the sight of Hidan's sharpie colored face Kisame fell on the floor laughing his ass off._

" _What…. Happened….. To your…. Face?!" tried to ask Kisame in-between laughter. Hidan looked ridiculous with the way the sharpie was all over his face. It was really hard not to laugh at the way Hidan's face was contorted into a scowl._

" _Good morning to you too fish face." Answered Hidan unimpressed, "The fucking masked freak thought it was a fucking good idea to draw stupid shit on my face." Hidan was royally pissed and wanted the shark man to move out of his way so he could end the masked idiot._

" _Please Kisame-senpai, don't let the scary man hurt Tobi!" plead the masked "boy". He knew the Kisame would protect him and he'd only get a slap on the wrist. He just wanted to get this incident - that had gotten way out of hand - over with so he could move on to doing pranks to the other Akatsuki members._

" _Hidan don't you think you are over reacting? He was just doing dumb things. Couldn't you have just let it go and instead of coming after him just had gone to the restroom and wash the sharpie off your face?" the shark man just wanted everyone to get along, besides, he wanted them to stop fighting so he could head out to train without having to worry about them destroying the base or Tobi getting murdered._

" _No! Don't you think you are_ **under-reacting** _? He always gets what he wants because he acts like he's stupid even though he is a member of a dangerous organization!" Hidan was enraged; he wasn't going to let this go and he definitely didn't think he was over reacting because everything he had just said was true._

" _Kisame-senpai please, I'm sorry can you please make the scary man go away?" Tobi was trying to use his 'cuteness' to see if Kisame would get rid of Hidan for him._

" _Hidan just drop it and go wash your face, I'll have a discussion with Tobi." Kisame was done with this argument, he really wanted to leave already and go do his training._

_Tobi was happy Kisame was on his side and glad that he was trying to get rid of the albino as well._

" _Fuck it. I'm outta here, I'm going to wash my face and eat breakfast because I'm hungry and already wasted precious time of my life chasing this dipshit anyways." With that said Hidan left leaving the two Akatsuki members behind. Tobi and Kisame were now alone in the middle of the hallway._

" _Thank you Kisame-senpai I'll leave you to go to your training!" After Tobi said that he tried to "discretely" get out of there hoping Kisame had forgotten about the discussion he was going to have with him._

" _Not so fast Tobi, I was still going to have a discussion with you, remember?" Kisame wanted to talk to Tobi. 'Shit maybe he won't get pissed at me if I say I was sorry and apologize, right? Meh it can't hurt to try…..'_

" _TOBI IS SORRY AND PROMISSES NOT TO DO IT AGAIN! PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT TOBI KISAME-SENPAI!" Tobi was just hoping that was enough to stop Kisame from giving him a long and boring speech but he wasn't that lucky._

" _It's ok Tobi I'm not angry at you I just wanted to tell you…"and after the word "you" Tobi's mind drifted off into "lala-land" and he wasn't paying attention to anything Kisame was saying. He watched Kisame's lips move making words but he didn't know what he was saying. Once in a while he would hear some words like "trust" and "respect" but he dismissed them. When Tobi noticed Kisame's lips stopped moving and was staring at him he said "thank you!" and "Tobi is a good boy!" and after Kisame looked satisfied he went to do his training._

* * *

**So yeah Tobi got away! Aren't you glad I'm still alive?! (If you don't I don't care because you are just a diary….. right?) Anyway Tobi lives for another day to torment the other Akatsuki members *evil laugh***

**Now if you excuse me I'm going to go find someone else to bother and see what I can get away with….**

**Love,**

**Your owner and master Obito (also known as that idiot Tobi *scowls behind mask*)**


	2. Let's Have Fun

It was another regular day for Tobi. (I would say normal but I'd be lying so yeah….) he had started his day doing not-so-nice things to others.

**ENTRY #2:**

**Dear diary, today so far Tobi has had a good day. (My morning was ok except for the part when I woke up wearing a dress *face plants *)**

**That's right diary I'll tell you in a while what happened. The only good thing I can think about it is that I woke up and got to read a note from Kisame…** **I mean, it's embarrassing that he saw me looking like a fucking crossdresser but it shows that he cares *does a happy dance***

**He even folded my clothes and laid them on my bed for me to put them on after I woke up!**

**Tobi started today like any other day, I made Hidan toast. (Don't get your hopes up diary I'd never be nice for no reason to that dick weed.)**

**Tobi was taking revenge for Hidan being mean yesterday. (That's why I woke up wearing a fucking dress also wearing women undergarments and a fucking blond wig plus those stiletto boots. UGGGHHH...)**

**Let Tobi tell you what happened so you can feel what Tobi felt.** **So Tobi shall describe what happened...**

**_Flashback_ **

_Tobi was sitting in the living room watching TV when all of the sudden Hidan entered the living room and "accidentally" fell and hit Tobi in the face with the handle of his scythe._

_"Oops sorry Tobi I should watch where I'm going.", Hidan was trying to seem as genuine as possible but Tobi could see right through him._

_"It's ok Hidan, you're Tobi's friend so Tobi could never stay mad at you, especially since it was an accident.", Tobi was really annoyed at the albino but he just wanted to get back to watching his show._

_Although he really wanted to scream obscenities at Hidan, he saw it would be pointless - not to mention he would be revealing his identity to the idiot over nothing - so being the "good boy" he was, he kept his mouth shut and kept the act up._

_"Thanks Tobi I'd like to express my gratitude towards you by giving you a treat!" It looked like Hidan was trying really hard to be nice because the corner of his smile was twitching along with his eyebrow._

_Obito should have really known that something was up; Hidan always cursed, why was he being so polite?_

_"YAY! THANK YOU HIDAN! TOBI LOVES SURPRISE TREATS!" Obito knew Hidan was full of shit and wanted to avoid him but sometimes Tobi's sweet tooth would get the best of him. In the end he accepted, bad move._

_"I'm glad to hear that; now I shall be back with the treats~." Hidan headed to his room with a big smirk on his face, 'Hahaha dumbass, I would have expected him to tell me to fuck off but I guess I over-estimated him…'_

_Hidan was laughing his ass of in the inside of his head while going over what he had planned for Tobi._

_He went into the room that he shared with the stitched up brunette and looked for the special brownies he had saved for Tobi._ _The chocolate brownies were hidden under his bed._

_Hidan kept them there because he didn't want Kakuzu to find them. Once, he had no idea why he hadn't seen this coming, but the one time Hidan decided he would share and be nice to Kakuzu shit hit the fan._

_It was a mistake to share his brownies with Kakuzu, the man was tripping bad and tried kissing him; that wasn't an event he wanted to repeat._

_Hidan shuddered at the memory._ _Hidan knew Kakuzu would never go near his bed, so that was the best place where he could hide them._

_When Hidan got back to the living room he forgot about keeping his act up. The albino was smirking full blast and he had a look of mischief in his eyes._

_"Hey Tobi look what I've got! That's right, see? I told you I had something for you." He waved the container with brownies inside somehow remembering to put up a smile to conceal his true intentions._

_"YAY! SPECIAL CHOCOLATE BROWNIES JUST FOR TOBI!" Tobi was really happy and he just wanted to devour the brownies at sight._

_"Don't worry Tobi you can eat them all; I can always make more. Besides, I made them just for you."_ _For a second Tobi thought Hidan had read his mind._

_Tobi would have thought that the gesture was genuine if it hadn't been Hidan who was doing this and being the little-suspicious-Tobi he was he just had to ask._

_"Why is Hidan being nice to Tobi?"_ _There had to be something important behind Hidan's actions and Tobi wanted to know._

_"Well last time we got in a big fight I was overreacting and what Kisame said to me made me think... I wanted to try to get along with you for him. As you can probably tell I like him and he's important to me so I'm making an effort for him."_ _Hidan made up the quickest lie he could come up with even though the Kisame part was real._

_He really liked Kisame but he would never be able to be nice to someone he didn't genuinely like; well because it just wasn't like him. Not cursing was starting to get to Hidan. It was hard to keep his vocabulary so clean._ _What Hidan told Tobi made him happy but at the same time slightly jealous. If what Hidan had said was really true, the it meant Hidan must really like Kisame to try to get along with him. This meant he had more competition._

_"Oh, ok. Tobi is glad that Hidan is trying to get along with Tobi!" Tobi was trying to act as cheerful as possible. He was glad he had a mask on because he was pissed at Hidan._

_"You can eat your brownies now; I can get you something to cover your mouth when you eat if you want." Hidan was being too nice and he was starting to creep out Tobi._

_He decided he would eat the brownies quickly so he could get away from Hidan._

_"Ok, thank you for being nice to Tobi!" Tobi wanted to eat the brownies he was going through so much trouble for already. Tobi wasn't a patient boy._

_Hidan left and then came back with a cloth napkin for Tobi to hold up on his face as he ate. Hidan really wanted to know what was under that mask and to see if Tobi's face matched his annoying squeaky voice; but for now he would just have fun watching Tobi act more retarded than usual._

_He waited patiently until Tobi finished eating the brownies._

_When Tobi remembered what Hidan's special brownies secret ingredient was he paled, but it was already too late, he had eaten every last bit and there were none left._

_'Shit! What am I supposed to do now?!' Obito was panicking inwardly._ _He was debating whether he should stay near people so he wouldn't harm himself or to lock himself in his room to prevent people from seeing him act dumb._

_He was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn't notice that he had been ignoring Hidan for almost fifteen minutes._

_"Oi masked fucker you ok? I've been talking to you but you don't fucking answer." Hidan was hoping that Tobi would answer something dumb he could use against him._

_Obito was long gone and he was wondering what was going on._

_"Tobi isn't the only one that sees the purple unicorn peeing on everything, right?" Obito was grabbing at the air but luckily he hadn't dropped his Tobi voice._

_Hidan was having fun, he wondered what would be the limit on the things he could convince the masked idiot in front of him to do._

_"Hey Tobi, I know what to do to stop the purple unicorn from peeing on you." Hidan was going to take advantage from the situation; he was the only one with Tobi right now so nothing could stop him._

_"Really? What is it?" Tobi really didn't want the purple unicorn to pee on him; he thought it would make him melt._

_"You have to wear a magical armor and perform a ritual to activate it." Hidan was going to use this against Tobi when he became lucid._

_Hidan ran to his room and grabbed a red knee high dress, stiletto boots, red panties, a black laced bra, a blond wig along with a camcorder._

_(No he wasn't weird enough to wear things like that. He was just waiting for the perfect time when any male Akatsuki would get drunk enough to wear something like that; and now his opportunity was right in front of him.)_

_"Here put this on." Hidan had an evil smirk on his face as he was preparing the camcorder._

" _Are you sure this will protect me?" Obito was skeptical but he would do anything to protecting himself from that creepy purple unicorn that had been watching him all the time that Hidan had been gone._

_"Yeah, just remember you're supposed to do the ritual to activate it." With those reassuring words Obito took the outfit and started to strip from his Akatsuki cloak._

_'Holly shit who would have known he was ripped… Damn if I wasn't seeing this there's no way I would have believed Tobi had a fucking eight pack and was toned.' Hidan's eyes widened and he was staring in awe at Tobi's body._

' _Fuck I wonder what other secrets he's hiding' Hidan was actually interested in taking as much information as he could from Tobi while he was in his current state._

_"How do you put this on?" Tobi was standing in front of Hidan only wearing his mask and boxers._

_(They were cute rubber ducky patterned boxers with blue sky and clouds in the background.) Tobi was holding up the black laced bra right in front of Hidan's face._

_"I'll help you put it on." Hidan wanted to hurry up and get him dressed before he came off his high._

_"What about these? Do I have to take off my boxers? Because I don't want to….. Well not if you're going to be looking at me." Tobi was waving the red panties in front of Hidan's face._

_"Yes, but I'll turn around and not look at you if you want me to. Also you have to hurry up and while I turn around you have to put on the dress. " Hidan just wanted for things to move along faster so he could have fun watching Tobi act like a jackass._

_"Ok, just turn around and don't look until I say so." Tobi's voice was shy and he sounded nervous._

_After what Tobi had said Hidan turned around and gave him some privacy to change his clothes._

_Meanwhile Hidan was looking away Tobi tried to put on the red panties as fast as possible; although he was struggling big-time. When he managed to pull the panties up he tried pulling the dress on but the mask was getting in the way. He quickly pulled the mask off so the dress would fit and when he managed to get the dress past his face he swiftly put the mask back on concealing his face from the world._

_"The dress is on! What now?" Tobi wanted to hurry up and activate the armor because the unicorn was walking towards him._

_"Ok now put on these boots or else you won't be able to complete the activation of the armor." After Hidan finished his sentence Tobi sat on the floor and put on the boots but he couldn't get up._

_"Can you help me get up? I think I'm stuck." Tobi tried to get up but the heels wouldn't let him. (But then again he was high so…. Then this happened.) "AH! I DIDN'T PUT ON THE ARMOR QUICKLY ENOUGH AND NOW THE UNICORN HAS BINDED MY LEGS TO THE FLOOR!" yup he started panicking and exaggerating; the unicorn standing across him wasn't helping._

_Hidan cursed himself for not having the camera record this moment._ _"Now I'm going to have to live the rest of my life on the floor. I'm NOT EVEN GOING TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP! And I'm going to die alone on this floor…." He started sobbing and mumbling things about how horrible his life was going to be because he was stuck on the floor._

_Hidan started recording him and then offered some "help"._

_"It's ok I have a solution for your legs being attached to the floor, just put this magical "hat" on." He gave Tobi the blond wig and Tobi put it on._

_"Quick, say help I've fallen and I can't get up! That's how you get the "hat" to work its magic." Hidan was laughing his ass off at Tobi but Tobi didn't care he wanted to detach his legs from the floor._

_"HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!" Tobi wanted to get off the floor but the heels of his stilettos weren't letting him._

_"Why isn't the hat working!?" Tobi had thought that after saying the phrase he would be able to stand up but since he wasn't able to he started freaking out again._

_"I have to help you up dipshit! Now quit screaming and give me your hand so I can help you stand up. Hurry up because the purple unicorn says he's coming for you." Hidan released a cackle and then took the hand that Tobi was shaking feverishly in front of him._

_"Now how do I activate it?!" Tobi felt like the unicorn was getting closer to him and would pee on him when he least expected it._

_"The ritual consists of dancing and singing." Hidan couldn't wait to see Tobi acting like a fool; the best part was that he was going to record everything to use it against him as blackmail. "The song is titled "Girls just want to have fun" and you have to dance as best as you can while singing until the armor likes it enough." Hidan tried to look as serious as possible but in the inside he was laughing his head off._

_Hidan brought a boom box and put in the CD with the song and started playing it. When the song started Tobi started shaking his hips at the rhythm 'damn those fucking hips don't lie…'_

_Tobi was dancing like a sexy bitch but that wasn't what Hidan was aiming for so he decided he would do something to make him act stupid but in the meantime he just enjoyed the show._

_After a while Hidan realized the song was about to be over so he had to act because if the "ritual" didn't work then Tobi would get suspicious._

_"Tobi hurry up and dance faster and sing louder! Your time for the ritual is ending and the unicorn is getting closer to you!" Hidan tried to sound preoccupied so Tobi would believe it; then the funniest thing Hidan had ever seen happened._

_The music had stopped and Tobi stopped dancing like a retard and singing off pitch, he had lost it and was screaming and running like a chicken with its head cut off._

_"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME YOU EVIL UNICORN! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU! TOBI IS A GOOD B-!" Tobi was running and screaming while his eyes were closed and then the inevitable happened; Tobi ran into a wall and passed out when he slammed against the wall, his face making contact first._

_When that happened Kisame walked into the room. His eyes widened when he took in the scene before him. Hidan was rolling on the floor laughing while a-very-passed-out-cross-dressing-Obito was lying on the floor._

_"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE! WHAT DID YOU DO HIDAN!?" Kisame rarely cursed but he was pissed because of what Hidan had done to his friend. He wanted answers and wanted Hidan to explain the reason for his behavior._

_"Well,you wanted me to be nice to him so... I decided that to show that he's my friend I would share my special brownies with him but he couldn't handle them…" Hidan was acting shy looking ashamed about his behavior._

_Kisame wasn't satisfied with Hidan's answer._

_"Why do you have the camcorder?" Kisame was eying Hidan suspiciously while giving him the stink eye. He saw Hidan visibly flinch at his words._

_"Well I wanted to record our time together to keep the video as a memento of today." Kisame knew that Hidan wasn't telling him everything and that some of what Hidan had told him might have been true but he just gave up on trying getting him to talk so he rolled his eyes at him and walked away._

_"Ok, well I'll take him to his room and you're going to clean up this mess." Kisame was done with Hidan for the day; in that moment all he wanted to do was check Tobi to see if was alright._

_"You aren't my mom fish breath." Hidan wasn't going to clean up the mess Tobi had made. Kisame tried to remain calm and stopped himself from smacking the albino._

_"Just do what I say before you piss me off." Was all Kisame said to Hidan. He had said it through clenched teeth, baring all his sharp white teeth, an irritated expression present on his face._

_"Fine." Was all Hidan said to Kisame, he was annoyed but he wouldn't talk back after being warned. Hidan was scowling as he started tidying up._

_Kisame walked away from Hidan and headed in the direction in which Obito was. He felt his stomach twist at the sight of Obito lying on the floor unconscious. He felt bad for not arriving sooner._

_Kisame had heard screams earlier but dismissed them, he thought they had just been his imagination. Now that he was standing before an unconscious Tobi it was obvious that they weren't figments of his imagination._

_Kisame picked up Tobi bridal style and carried him to his room. He whispered apologies to him and told him that he would take care of him._

_While Tobi was unconscious he was dreaming he was in a dark void alone surrounded by emptiness; he felt sad. But as time passed he felt warm as if someone was near him._

_Suddenly the darkness was gone and replaced by a sky blue background as he heard Kisame's voice whispering sweet words while a song was playing in the background._

**_(A.N. the lyrics of the song are in bold)_ **

_"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." It was Kisame's voice and it sounded sweet to his ears._

**_I've got my eyes on you, you're everything that I see I want your hot love and emotion endlessly_ **

_"I should have kept an eye on you._

**_I can't get over you; you left your mark on me I want your hot love and emotion endlessly_ **

_"Don't worry I'll take care of you._

**_You act so different around me_ **

_"Well we're here at your room."_

**_I know exactly who you could be_ **

_"I want to stay with you but I don't know how you would take it."_

**_Just hold on we're going home_ ** _"_

_You look so peaceful in your sleep I wish I could see your face but don't worry I wouldn't take off your mask without your permission._

**_It's hard to do these things alone_ ** _"_

_I wonder what you are thinking of right now."_

**_Just hold on we're going home_ **

_"I think I've stayed too long here, it would be strange for you if you saw me here lying in your bed next to you. Well, see you later when you wake up and change out of your clothes." As Obito heard those words, he felt the warmth surrounding him leave._

_Kisame was getting up from the bed when out of nowhere the sleeping masked man grabbed his sleeve and clenched it in between his fingers._

_Kisame grabbed Obito's hand, just as their skin came in contact to one another Obito let go. Before Kisame could change his mind about leaving he forced himself to leave Obito's room and went to the living room of the Akatsuki base to grab the masked man's clothing from the floor and folded it._

_He wrote a note and laid Obito's clothes on his bed. Kisame placed the note on top of them before he left, gently closing the door behind him._

**_End of flashback_ **

**So yeah that's what happened I know it's really long but fuck Hidan really pissed me off.**

**Actually, I never got to tell you what I did to him, did I?**

**I made the toast *evil laughter* and since he's stupid but not entirely (sometimes) he would notice if I spit on it… so instead of that I decided to rub my ass on it and have him eat it like that.**

**(I would have done something better but I really didn't know what to do to him. I don't care about him enough to really make a complicated plan so I went with something simple...)**

**He ate it while I just laughed. I think I'll just do stupid shit like that for now. I think Zetsu saw me but I don't give a fuck.**

**Snitches get stitches, if he says shit I'll beat him up or get Pein to do something to him *evil laughter***

**For now all you need to know is that I just started my day.** **I'll tell you all the shit I'll do later ok. *waves***

**See ya later diary, love Obito a.k.a. stupid Tobi…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used "Girls just want to have fun" by Cyndi Lauper during the "ritual" and "Hold on we're going home" by Drake for the scene where Kisame carries Obito to his room.


	3. Poor Obito

So were starting off were we left off. (Which means Tobi let Hidan eat ass toast *evil laughter*)

_**ENTRY #3:** _

**Dear diary,**

**Today I started my day wearing a dress (remind me not to NEVER, and I mean never eat Hidan's stupid special brownies because I'm not going through that shit again, EVER)**

**So I thought that since Hidan had made me food (the fucking chocolate brownies) I should return the favor.**

**And so that's what I did. I gave him ass toast and watched as he ate it. (I was glad to be wearing a mask because he would have been suspicious if he saw my evil smile.) While Hidan was eating his toast I came up with more things to do to him. So I had a good idea. I was thinking about how nice Hidan's hair looks since it's combed back (not); and that's when I thought of something. I had thought of replacing Hidan's hair gel with something else. I had many ideas but I finally settled for using fast drying glue. Second place had been hair removal cream but I decided that I would be taking things too far. (Not really….. I was just not looking forward to looking at Hidan's bald egghead every time I run into him *frowns* yeah that be gross.)**

**Bye diary, I'll talk to you later. If you excuse me I have some hair gel to replace with fast drying glue *evil smirk***

**Love, Obito**

**P.S. if by any chance my mission fails and I don't come back your duty as my property is to self-destruct. And Tobi says hi. *rolls eyes***

_**20 minutes later** _

**I'm back diary, congratulations there's no need to self-destruct. Anyways remind me to NEVER and I mean NEVER again go into Hidan's restroom and look at his drawers again. *shudders* it was terrible diary. I don't think I'll ever be the same again… I would cut off my hands and set them on fire if they would grow back (dammit where's that SpongeBob logic when you need it) anyways back to the horrors I saw in there. I mean I knew he was gay but shit man I didn't want to know anything about what I found. I saw pictures that could make someone go blind (Hidan is into some weird as fuck things) and I found out he has a blue dildo in the bottom drawer *shudders*. It wouldn't have been so bad if I had just seen it -I would have just used that information as blackmail but I wasn't that lucky- but noooo… I had to accidentally grab it! *pales* that's right diary it was horrible. Curse me for wanting to be stealthy and trying to go by unnoticed. I left the lights off and so when I reached in trying to find something cylindrical which I actually did but it wasn't what I was looking for (but of course I was being stupid and I also wanted to flee the scene before someone found out so that is why the horrible thing happened) I took the "thing" and ran out as soon as possible to my room and when I was finally there I locked the door and checked the object. THE HORRORS! I was expecting hair gel but nooooo…. It had to be that fucking thing *shudders* I was so terrified that I released a "man scream" and threw the thing across the room. It landed in Zetsu's bed! I didn't know if I should have left it there and let him deal with the awful object or if I should have had placed it back or burned the thing so no one would ever have to go through the trauma like me. I was seriously opting for leaving the damn thing where it had landed but then my good side (fucking Tobi) wouldn't allow me let another human – plant-thing- suffer the same horrors as I so I had to get rid of the object myself. So I grabbed a plastic bag from my own drawer and picked up the nasty thing and ran to Hidan's room and went into his bathroom and shoved that thing back in its proper spot. I had decided that I would just let things be how they should - I was just trying to stop myself from any further psychological harm - I left Hidan's bathroom promising to myself not to ever go back to that terrible place EVER gain. I decided to be mature and let things be -For now- and move on and instead of focusing on the idiotic albino I should focus on my getting back to being my normal-self and so I did. So the rest of my day (until now) was spent in my shower curled up in a ball on the floor under the shower spray trying to get rid of the memories of the things that had happened. But unluckily that didn't work so I wasted a large amount of water (so Kakuzu is going to yell at Tobi! *pouts*) and I ended up getting burned because the cause of all my problems (also known as stupid Hidan) DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET WHILE I WAS TRYING TO RECOVER FROM MY SHOCK! So I heard him come inside and told him to get out, I thought he would leave me alone and leave my bathroom and he did but only the part of leaving the bathroom. So he "apologized" and left but before he left he decided to flush the damn toilet! *throws the poor book at the wall***

***picks up the book* Sorry diary Obito is just really upset and he needs someone to take it out on but don't worry Tobi is here and Tobi will keep you company until Obito feels better; meanwhile I can tell you all my secrets. So here we go!**

**Ok don't tell anyone but Tobi has a crush on Deidara! Don't tell Obito ok? He wouldn't like it because Deidara abuses Tobi but Tobi knows Deidara can be nice – plus he looks like a girl- *giggles*and Tobi likes his hair and wants to brush it. Anyways one of the other secrets Tobi wants to tell you are that Itachi has a pet that Pein doesn't know about. You won't guess what it is. IT'S A CAT! That's right and only Tobi and Kisame-senpai knows about it. I call the kitty "it" because I don't know if it was a girl or a boy, Tobi tried to find out but that didn't turn out right let Tobi explain…**

**(Flashback):**

_So one day Tobi was bored and decided to go around the base exploring since no one wanted to play with him._

" _Meow…."_

" _Huh?" Tobi thought he was imagining things and was going to keep walking but then he heard the same noise again._

" _Meow…." Tobi heard the noise coming from Itachi's and Kisame's room so he decided he was going to get in the room and see if there was an actual cat in there so he tried turning the doorknob but of course it was locked so he went with the next idea that came to mind, he went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife to try to pry the door open. It of course didn't work so he looked for something strong that he could, use so he went to Hidan's room and grabbed a hold of his scythe (luckily Hidan was in the restroom )and ran out in the direction of Itachi's room._

…

_When Hidan was done using the restroom he washed his hands – he was a dirty person but he always washed his hands after using the toilet – and went back into his room but when he came back his scythe was gone even if he had only been using the toilet for 2 minutes. He ran out the room and spotted the masked idiot (commonly known as Tobi) and he was holding his scythe! 'Well if I wasn't thinking of killing him today, I definitely am now.' Thought Hidan to himself and approached the moron holding his weapon._

…

" _Meow…"_

" _Don't worry kitty Tobi will get you out of there!" and with that said Tobi was ready to take a swing at the door with the scythe he had "borrowed" from Hidan when all of the sudden he heard loud footsteps coming in his direction. He lowered the weapon and walked away from the door and pretended to be walking in the direction of his room so whoever was coming wouldn't be suspicious of what he was planning to do with it._

" _TOBI YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCH COME BACK HERE!" roared Hidan as he saw the masked man walking away with his scythe. At first Tobi was shocked to know that Hidan had been the one that had caught him but then he remembered that he had been the one who took the scythe from Hidan so it was logical that Hidan was pissed at him. If he was going to get out of this situation he had to play it cool._

" _PLEASE SPARE TOBI'S LIFE! TOBI DIDN'T MEAN TO ANGER THE GREAT AND POWERFUL HIDAN!" was all Tobi came up on the spot._

"… _what?" Hidan hadn't seen that coming and didn't process what had come out of Tobi's mouth. Hidan was staring blankly at Tobi, so trying again to play it cool Tobi toned it down and began to speak once more._

" _What." Tobi thought he was off the hook and ok to go back to free the feline but then Hidan remembered why he had been there in the first place._

" _Why the fucks do you have my fucking scythe?" said Hidan ever so gracefully. Then Tobi urged his brain to come up with a lie to explain his actions and he was glad once again for having his precious mask cover up his face because he was pretty sure that he had an expression that said he had just shat a brick, and then he had the perfect idea._

" _Tobi decided that Hidan was right about the ultimate religion so Tobi was about to go get his things and go find a victim to sacrifice to lord Jashin when Tobi thought he didn't have the right weapon, so Tobi decided to borrow Hidan's weapon since Hidan wasn't using it." Tobi nodded reassuringly as if that would make his point valid. He was seriously hoping that Hidan had bought that crap he had just spewed but even he knew that it sounded stupid – yet he was talking to Hidan so what were the odds, right? – But nonetheless Hidan accepted the excuse._

" _Tobi you fucking idiot every Jashinist knows that you can't start with this weapon and can't borrow it because it's mine and we can't share it so come with me and I'll give you something else you can use." Tobi was amazed at Hidan's stupidity but was also thankful for his luck and followed Hidan curious about what Hidan might give him, never forgetting about the feline friend that he wanted to rescue._

" _Oh what is it?" said Tobi excited to see if he would get an upgrade in the tool for opening the door._

" _This." After Hidan said that he went over to his bed and grabbed the pillow and pulled out a crowbar. At that sight Tobi was stupefied. 'What the fuck, does he actually sleep with that shit?' he thought to himself he wanted to ask the Jashinist but held his tongue._

" _Oh cool thanks Hidan!" Tobi didn't give Hidan a second to respond when he yanked the tool from Hidan's hands and ran in the direction of the room Kisame and Itachi shared. He approached the door and stopped to listen to hear if anyone had followed him, after 30 seconds he gave up on trying to find out if anyone was coming so he just decided to start pounding at the door with the crow bar, he got tired after 5 minutes of continuously smacking the door. Then he remember the actual purpose of the crow bar so he put it between the doorframe and the door and pushed the bar to the side, after a couple of seconds of struggling he gave up on pushing and did the most logical thing next – well at least for him – and so he walked away from the utensil and turned around when he thought he was far enough and sprinted at it at full speed trying to drop kick the object into helping him open the door, but life was always against him so instead of him hitting the bar with his feet he went over the damn thing and then gravity started working and he lost momentum landing on top of the bar and falling on top of it. Tobi got up and rubbed his head trying to get rid of the feeling of the hard ground off his head. 'Fuck that hurt' he decided to seek help, and who would be better for the job than his beautiful flat-Barbie man- crush. Deidara._

…

'… _Fuck this is boring where is distraction a when you need it?' thought Deidara to himself as he laid on his bed feeling like shit because he had nothing to do._

_Knock, knock, knock, knock, and knock._

" _Who is it?" Deidara was hoping it had been the answer to ending his boredom. On the other side of the door was standing a very excited Tobi. Tobi was seriously wanting to answer Deidara's question with something stupid like 'I got the pizza you ordered' or 'Hey Deidara do you want to build a snowman?' but he needed the blonde's help, plus he didn't want to ruin the moment and he was looking forward to some time with the arsonist so he decided to give a normal response to his crush's question._

" _Hey Deidara do you want to go blow up things with Tobi?!" the masked man was really hoping that the blonde would accept. 'Damn that was quick.' Was the first thing that came to Deidara's mind, he was glad Tobi had come to save him from getting bored to death plus he was going to do what he loved the most, - which was blowing stuff up - 'how come when I need shit like this it doesn't always come to me this quickly?' he had been complaining in his mind and had forgotten of his masked rescuer._

" _Oh of course you saved me from dying of boredom, un!" was the blonde's response to the masked man. Deidara grabbed a handful of clay and pried the door open finding a shy looking Tobi waiting in the hallway. "Well what are you waiting for, un?" Deidara said trying to rush Tobi so they could get to blowing things up._

" _Let's go blow up Itachi's and door! Tobi needs something from inside their room!" said Tobi sounding very eager to blow the door to smithereens._

" _Wow you must have a death wish, un." Said Deidara after releasing a chuckle. "Well we better go before you change your mind, un." And with that said Deidara grabbed Tobi's hand and ran in the direction of Itachi's and Kisame's door while dragging a happy Tobi, – which during all the time he was being dragged was doing "wee" sounds - when they reached the room Deidara let go of Tobi's hand and looked a Tobi expectantly. While Tobi was in lala-land thinking about how Deidara had held his hand and how miserable he felt now that the feeling was no longer there. "Ight Tobi so how do you want to do this?" Deidara was enthusiastic about blowing up the door and was already taking out the explosive clay._

" _Can you make a tiny Tobi and Deidara with the clay?" Tobi had liked the clay mini-him he had received for Christmas from Deidara and wanted to see it again. Deidara nodded franticly and got to work. Tobi was amazed seeing Deidara shape the clay molding the figures effortlessly and elegantly, it took him just 3 minutes to be done with the little Tobi. Once he finished with the little Deidara he looked at Tobi awaiting the next part of the plan. "Ok now let's blow this up!" said Tobi overjoyed that he was going to set the feline free and he was spending time with his beautiful crush._

_Deidara grabbed Tobi by the hand and they moved down the hall far away from the door so that they wouldn't get blown up but still near enough to witness the explosion. Deidara said "watch this!" and after that the little figures high-fived and then the explosion happened. Tobi watched in astonishment as everything happened and was in awe about how Deidara's eyes sparkled. To Tobi's and Deidara's surprise the door had survived the explosion; they were disappointed but more determined to obliterate the door. Deidara was about to start making more clay figures when all of the sudden Sasori appeared and called Deidara saying that the boss had sent them both on a short mission. Tobi was disappointed but still focused on the task at hand – which was checking if there was an actual cat in Itachi's and Kisame's room – so the next thing he did was head back into the kitchen and look for another object with which he could use to open the door since the explosion hadn't worked. The best thing he could come up with was a chair he took from the dining table set. Tobi ran full speed with the object over his shoulder and swung it at the door, when the chair collided with the door it shattered into various tiny shards and Tobi was left with two chair legs on his hands. Tobi frowned as he felt defeat wash over him. When he thought all hope was lost he looked up in despair (such a drama queen)and then he saw in the hallway light a shimmering object above laying on the door frame. Tobi reached for it and grabbed it, it was a key! Tobi face-planted inside of his mind. He had done many things trying to open the damn door and all this time the key had been on the freaking door! Tobi felt ridiculous and that wasn't the worst part, attached to the key was a small note that read:_

_**Dear Kisame,** _

_**If you are reading this its most likely that you have forgotten your key to the room AGAIN, so I placed this here so you can come inside. This is an emergency spare key which means after you are done with it you must place it back. I know that you must have tried using brute force to try to obligate the door to open but as you may have found out it didn't work. The reason for this is that I used a powerful Jutsu that won't let you break the door to get in, it requires the key. That is all for now.** _

_**Sincerely,** _

_**Itachi** _

_Tobi felt like digging a hole with a plastic spoon and getting in the hole afterwards and staying in there, but after that thought he quickly recovered and used the key to open the door. When he did he put the key back on top of the doorframe along with the note and went inside the room. While he was entering the room he saw a shadow move gracefully from on top of Itachi's bookcase to under his bed. When he approached the creature from under the bed he saw that it was in fact a cat. Its fur was fluffy and it was black, its eyes were purple and large. Since they were in the dark the cats pupils were dilated and made it look incredibly adorable. Tobi wanted to check what gender the cat was so he could give it an appropriate name, he reached for cat but it moved deeper below the bed escaping his grasp. Tobi was unable to reach from the position in which he was in – he was squatting – so he changed his position from squatting to laying on his stomach and tried to reach for the cat once more. When he grabbed the cat and when it didn't claw at him Tobi became happy. Tobi reached for the cat's tail when all of the sudden the door swung open and Itachi walked inside the room._

" _What are you doing in my room and May I ask why you are touching my cat?" Itachi asked in a monotone keeping a straight face while the sharingan was spinning dangerously in his eyes. Before Tobi could answer Itachi spoke again. "Get out of my room if you want to live before I do something that you will regret."_

" _A MAGICIAN NEVER REVEALS HIS TRICK!" and with that said Tobi ran from the room flailing his arms around his head while screaming._

_After Tobi left Itachi picked up the cat and started playing with it._

_**(End of flashback)** _

**So yeah that's what happened diary. Tobi has to go because Obito feels better, Tobi will be back to tell you more secrets.**

**Love,**

**Tobi!**


	4. Training

_**Entry #4:** _

**What's up diary? I know I haven't written in you since my mental break down but since today Pein decided that we should all spend a night together playing games as a group I decided I would use you to keep myself busy while actually helping you catch up on my life. Sounds good? I don't care I'll do it anyways because you are my diary and I can do whatever I want with you, plus you're not alive, are you? Anyways so I've been following Kisame around base for the past three days watching him train and do all his daily activities since I have nothing better to do. Diary I know this may sound creepy- because it is but you see I don't give a fuck and I shall call you when I actually care about what you think, ok? So don't judge me while I keep writing. Back my wonderful tale about my azure knight. So yeah I had been following him (without him knowing of course) and I found out that he takes his training very seriously, so he does that almost all day long and like as I was watching him I was thinking how I could like bring him lemonade to cool down and like use that as an excuse to get closer to him while he's training and just watch him up close instead of behind that tree- from which I can't get a good look on his muscles flexing or his nice ass - *pouts* but then my mind started wondering from the somewhat innocent thoughts into the more perverted side and that's when I realized how much stamina he actually has and how he could spend it with me and I started day dreaming about all the things we could do… until I realized I was drooling meanwhile he was headed in my direction (because he was done training). I ran as quickly as my shaky legs would allow me (since I was standing in one spot for the longest time) and was happy to see that Kisame had forgotten his shirt back at the spot where he was training. As he went to get it back that gave me time to go sit in the couch and pretend I had been there the whole time just watching TV. I played it cool until he passed by me (paying no attention to me (: c)) on his way to his room to take a shower. I decided that it would be my perfect chance to sneak a peek. I was so distracted while following him that I almost died multiple times and fell on my face twice, but it doesn't matter cuz it was worth it! He reached his room and he opened the door and went inside locking the door once again. I was about to try the same shit that I did a few months back to try to get in the room, when all of the sudden I remembered the key was on top of the door. I mentally patted myself on the back for not making and ass out of myself (again…) and grabbed the key and used it to unlock the door. Ugh he locks his door while he takes showers! So I can't sneak a peek just yet! *pouts* wait why the fuck do I even do that? Pouting never helps me and nobody can see it (because of this mask! Plus I'm writing…) so why even try? I wanted to at least see something. I tried looking through the keyhole but that ended with me just staring at the wall, so I made the smart decision of trying plan C. So like I tried to pry the door open with the knife, that didn't work… I used the crowbar, which also fucked me over! (note to self: learn how to properly aim drop kicks also buy a fucking first aid kit -.-) anyways I was about to get some explosive clay from Deidara when Hidan saw me coming out of Kisame's and Itachi's room, so he started asking questions and the outcome was actually surprising. This is how it went down:**

_**(Flashback)** _

" _What the fuck are you doing?" asked the albino._

" _Trying to open a door." Answered the masked guy._

" _Why?"_

_Hidan was examining the masked guy with his magenta eyes suspiciously._

" _Why not?" answered the masked man coolly seeming to not care about the conversation._

_He was tempted to say 'none of your beeswax' or 'because I saw the leprechaun go in there' or even 'because I was following the white rabbit with a clock, which wouldn't shut up about being late so I could ask him why he was late but then he went in there' but he saved his comebacks for later. (By the way that was a reference to Alice in wonderland)_

" _Shit you sound like Itachi but with a shitty voice."_

_Hidan was smirking._

" _And your point is?" asked Tobi to the albino standing in front of him._

_Hidan seemed impressed by Tobi's change of attitude. Tobi felt like saying 'pshhtt would you like some ice with that burn!?' or something along the lines of 'here's your napkin you just got served!' But he refrained from doing such things to maintain his façade._

" _Fuck, when did you become so cool?"_

_Hidan was eyeing Tobi suspiciously with a glint of intrigue in his magenta eyes._

" _Since forever it's just that you only just noticed." Was the calm reply he gave Hidan._

" _Shut the fuck up with the stupid chitchat already and tell me why the fuck you were in there."_

_Demanded Hidan he was starting to get irritated from Tobi's smart-ass remarks._

" _I already told you I was opening a door."_

_Tobi was slightly annoyed because he felt like he was wasting the time he could be using to try to open the azure's restroom door._

" _What door?"_

_Hidan was observing the masked man in front of him doubtfully, finding the questioning game perhaps… amusing?_

" _Kisame's restroom door." Answered Tobi, forgetting the small detail about the immortal man having a crush on the shark man. The albino smirked before he spoke._

" _Why didn't you just start with that fact moron I would have helped you open the door, maybe I could have a peek while I help you."_

_Tobi could have sworn he saw a twinkle in his magenta eyes. Apparently Tobi wasn't the only one who knew that Kisame was taking a shower._

" _Whatever just get in there and see if you can open the door." replied angrily Tobi at the albino._

" _How about a please?"_

_Hidan was wearing a smug smirk._

" _I don't beg." Was Tobi's simple reply. (More like Obito's.)_

" _Meh, I'll make you beg another time."_

_After those words came out of Hidan's mouth he moved swiftly to the door and took out a little metal wire – which he then used to unlock the door._

_Before he could even open the door, it swung open revealing a shark man with only a white towel clad around his waist._

" _What are you guys doing here?"_

_The shark man was suspiciously eyeing the intruders._

" _Well I came in here because I saw the door open and heard noises so when I walked in I saw Tobi and I wanted to ask him what was going on but now that you are here I'll just leave" said Hidan before he fled. Both Kisame and Tobi were looking at him._

' _Snitch' thought Tobi as he glared at Hidan from behind his mask, meanwhile he saw Hidan run away._

" _And you?"_

_Kisame's gaze fell on Tobi; he was eyeing him with a suspicious yet playful look._

" _I was looking for a kitty…"_

_Tobi lied acting shyly as he looked at Kisame's eyes._

" _Well it wasn't inside my restroom." Replied Kisame with a knowing smirk as he looked at Tobi._

' _There aren't any pussies in here…' thought Kisame while he chuckled in his mind at his lewd comment._

" _Oh ok, then Tobi will leave and let you to get dressed now…"_

_Tobi replied timidly as he hastily moved away from Kisame, exiting the room. Tobi was really nervous because of the way Kisame was looking at him, he felt as if Kisame had known the true reason he was trying to break into the restroom._

_**(End of flashback)** _

**So yeah diary that's what happened diary I was so close to getting a peak and that's enough for now. *squeals* if you tell anyone about my little outburst of joy I will kill you * mad-dogs the diary* anyways yeah that's what happened and who knows maybe later I jump him while he's in the shower *wiggles eyebrows* anyways that's it for now. Dang were going to play twister…. so imma bail on you, when I'm done playing I'll tell you how it went, wish me luck! (:D)**

**P.S. you're lucky you missed out on more of Tobi's ramblings, now if you excuse me I'm going to see how much Kisame can bend and hopefully will end up in a good position if you know what I mean~.**

**Peace out diary,**

**Whatever the fuck you want, Obito (and no I don't love you only stupid Tobi does)**


	5. Party Games

_**Entry # 5** _

**So playing twister was fun… Until stupid Hidan decided to poke me in the butt and I ended up falling on top of Pein. After that "accident" I was ready to rip off his stupid head. But then I decided that I would calm down and let things go, besides, after I apologized leader-sama screamed at Hidan and put him in time out. Yay! Ha-ha imagine a grown-ass man (Hidan) sitting in the corner facing the wall and pouting. I wanted to dress him up in pigtails and give him a lollipop and take pictures for blackmail. Unfortunately when cool shit happens I never have a camera. (Note to self, carry a camera…) anyways so I convinced everyone to have a drinking contest and that I would be the judge. (I felt like this would be the best way to get back at Hidan for feeding me his stupid brownies) the first one to drop was Zetsu (of course that dumbass wouldn't be able to handle his booze) he took two tequila shots then said something along the lines of "fuck you bitches I'm going to sleep, see your fat faces never!" and then blacked out. (I could have used that as blackmail but I didn't have a camcorder! I should really carry one!) The second one to drop was Itachi (I kind of poisoned him with some of the potions that Sasori gave me…) not to worry though, he's alive (well he's still breathing….A little bit) I did it for a good cause though! We made bets and I said he would pass out before Konan. And because I wished really hard it came true! *wink, wink* Sasori was the third one to go unconscious but it wasn't because of the alcohol (well not entirely…) I gave him two tequila shots, some jack Daniels, and one of Hidan's special brownies. Well that turned out better than I had expected, he told me how he had a crush on Itachi, and how he takes 50 dollars from Kakuzu every two days and hides the money in his puppets (that should explain why he gets so pissed off at Deidara for blowing them up…) and how he takes some of Konan's bras every once in a while and sells them to creepy old dudes whenever he goes on a mission. While I was having fun getting information from him I had an idea, I told him that if he ran into the kitchens door at full speed and managed to break it I would give him one of the scrolls that Pein give me for one of the prohibited Jutsu's and that I would even give him a pair of Itachi's boxers. Before I told him to go he took off and ran full speed at the door, he hit it hard and passed out at contact. After seeing that I went hysterical (and unfortunately once again I wasn't able to record the moment…damn) if only you could have seen it diary, it was hilarious! That was the second person I took out that night, I felt the urge to get rid of Hidan; but I couldn't come up with a good way to do it. I thought of decapitating him and hiding his head in the closet but then I thought on all the ways my plan could backfire and I dropped the idea. The scenario that kept bothering my mind was that he would just continuously scream and say things because he doesn't need sleep because of the rather important fact that he is immortal (I have to come up with something better…) I came up with a plan! I need to get rid of everyone so it's just me and Kisame left awake.**

**I continued the drinking contest and Deidara was the next idiot to black out, it was pretty fun to watch how determined he was…**

_**(Flashback)** _

" _Hey Deidara try this one" I handed him a cup with purple liquid and he chugged it._

" _That drink looked pretty but it tasted like shit and burned my throat!"_

" _Here, check if this one is better." I handed him a cupful of a green liquid and he drank it in one go._

" _That wasn't that bad but it would have been nice if it had been sweeter." He looked pretty drunk so I decided that maybe he was incoherent enough for me to prank him or get information from him._

" _Hey Deidara?"_

" _What's up Tobi? Pst hand me another drink" I grabbed a red bottle and poured its contents inside a cup without paying attention and gave it to Deidara._

" _Here, um can you tell Tobi who you like?" maybe starting with a simple and innocent question would make him open up._

" _Nope, I don't like anyone; they're all dicks that annoy the shit outta me."_

" _Seems legit." Obito dropped the Tobi voice and started talking with his normal voice._

" _Huh?"_

" _You're hallucinating." He was drunk so who cared if he knew what his voice sounded like? Besides if after being drunk he remembered, Obito would just tell him that it must have been a dream or start acting really annoying to throw him off._

" _Oh cool."_

" _Yup."_

" _So why don't you just talk this way instead of in that annoying squeaky voice?"_

" _Because, how else am I supposed to annoy the shit out of Hidan?"_

" _Hehe seems legit."_

" _So, do you have any dirt on anyone?"_

" _Nah… maybe? I don't remember…"_

" _Any fun stories?"_

" _I do a bunch of fun things, I mean I blow shit up, well that's fun for me at least."_

' _Well that's all I'm going to get out of him, let's just make him drink till he pukes…'_

" _Here Deidara try this one."_

" _Cool, thanks man." He took the cup and quickly gulped the red liquid._

" _How was it?"_

" _It was nice but now I feel like I want to puke, blow up things, laugh, and go to sleep…."_

" _Hehe dumbass."_

" _I wouldn't be saying shit…"_

" _Hey Konan is catching up! I think she might beat you!"_

" _Nope." Deidara grabbed a bottle and started drinking the alcohol as if it was water and Obito was just laughing behind the mask._

_After he drank two more bottles he was out cold, first he smacked his head on the counter and fell face first onto the floor off the chair he was sitting on._

_**(End of flashback)** _

**After that it was just me, leader-sama, Konan, Kisame, and Hidan. I got rid of leader-sama by telling him to go hide in the closet and to count to a million so we could all play hide and seek (he was really drunk so he didn't question me and did it right away) after he counted to 100 he went to sleep inside the closet. Now all I had to do was to get rid of Konan and Hidan, I was starting to get frustrated, but then I had a great idea. I convinced Konan that Hidan wanted to date leader-sama and she went crazy! I told her to fight Hidan to the death for the leader's heart (I guess she was drunk enough to forget that Hidan was immortal….) they were both pretty drunk so Konan just chased him around the base with a butchers knife until they both were too tired to keep running and passed out in the kitchens floor. Finally it was just me and Kisame.**

**I somehow convinced him to do stupid shit with me. We took some sharpies and drew a mustache on Konan and we drew a sleeve on her made up of butterflies, happy faces, suns, skulls and other stuff.**

**Then we drew the love symbol in kanji with red sharpie on the side of Sasori's forehead, added some eyeliner, and took a picture. I had told Kisame that Sasori looked like Gaara from the sand village but he didn't believe me.**

" _See?!"_

" _Oh… huh they do look alike…."_

**We drew diagonal lines on Itachi next to the ones he had on his face (the stress lines thingies next to his nose) so it looked like glasses and wrote "NERD!" on his forehead, we also took a selfie with him.**

**We grabbed Zetsu's unconscious body and sat him at the kitchens table and put some sunglasses on him, then we placed a knife and fork on his hands, after that we placed a plate full of broccoli in from of him as if he was going to eat it. We took multiple pictures with different vegetables and a couple of selfies.**

**We opened the closet's door in which leader-sama had fallen asleep in and I wrote in big red letters "PEIN IN THE ASS!" across his forehead and drew a red unibrow and took off his shirt and drew a surprised face on his torso and used his bellybutton as the mouth.**

**After that we went after Deidara, we drew a smiley face on the back of his neck and with big letters we wrote "MADE IN CHINA" across his back and "TOBI'S BITCH" on his lower back. Yip that was fun. I asked Kisame to take some pictures of me with Deidara.**

**Our next victim was Hidan. We shaved one of his eyebrows and put eyeliner on him and lipstick, in big letters I wrote across his chest "BITCH CANT HANDLE HER BOOZE!", Kisame drew a shark under his nave that looked like it was going to bite off his junk, I turned him over so he was lying on his stomach and pulled down his pants and drew a happy face on one of his butt cheeks and on the other "you're my bitch" and then placed his pants back on properly and laid him on his back. We took a couple of pictures of him and some more with him. I felt like we were missing someone but I couldn't remember. Then out of nowhere we heard a chuckle, all this time while we were doing this shit, Kakuzu was standing in the corner watching us and laughing silently!**

" _Having fun?" his voice was so somber that I think he must have lowered it on purpose._

"…"

" _I didn't see anything if I can have copies of those pictures."_

_Kisame and I nodded frantically and he released a chuckle._

" _Nice doing business with you." And he walked in the direction of his room._

**I'm glad Kakuzu didn't ask for more than that because then we would probably be screwed. Kisame drew on me and I drew on him so they wouldn't get suspicious about us being the ones who drew on them, they wouldn't suspect Kakuzu because, well it's Kakuzu.**

**The next morning when everyone woke up, they blamed everything on Hidan and leader- Sama organized a "public spanking" (in the living room) so that everyone knew what would happen if they messed with him like that ever again.**

**Congratulations leader-sama this was a good group activity, we should do this more often! *evil laughter***

**See ya later diary,**

**I enjoyed writing in you, and Tobi loves you!**

**Remember that I am your master Obito.**


	6. The Birds and The Bees

_**Entry# 6** _

**So it's been some time diary but shit hasn't been so good lately, Kisame has been off in a mission for two weeks already and what's worse is that he's alone with that bimbo Itachi!**

**I need a drink I'll be back diary I need to go get this to distract me…**

_**30 minutes later** _

**Oh shit diary guess what!? I saw Hidan getting gay with Kakuzu! That moron wanted to top and Kakuzu got pissed at him! Hahaha what a dumbass… anyways so like they were screaming at each other and leader-sama got pissed at them for screaming and asked them what was happening. After they said they were screaming because Hidan wanted to top and Kakuzu wouldn't let him. Leader-sama face palmed and he took them to their rooms and gave them "the talk" or whatever fucking weird ass version he had like it, here let me show you:**

_**(Flashback)** _

" _Come on Kakuzu let me at least top this one time!" Hidan was urging his boyfriend to agree._

" _I said no. My answer is final Hidan." He would have let Hidan top but his pride wouldn't allow it._

" _Come on you even look like a cute uke!" Hidan was looking for any excuse that would make his argument valid._

" _If you keep this up, we're not going to fuck and I'm going to beat you up." Kakuzu's patience was running low and he wanted the albino to stop whining._

" _Do it then! You know that's how I like it!" Hidan didn't think too much about it, he was a masochist anyways._

" _See, this is why you're uke and you don't top." It made perfect sense in Kakuzu's mind because the ones who topped were the ones who dominated, not the ones who liked to be dominated._

" _Fine…" Hidan was done with using words, maybe Kakuzu just needed to see that he could be dominant "if that's how you want it… then let's do it!"_

_Hidan pounced on the brunette –who was lightly taken by surprise by the albino – everything had happened so fast he didn't have enough time to put up his guard._

" _No means no you little shit!" Kakuzu was struggling against the albino on top of him trying to restrain his arms by pinning them to the floor. He rolled the albino so this time he was the one on top._

" _Get off me! I won't give up this easily old man!" Hidan pushed Kakuzu off him and stood in a fighting stance._

" _What the shit! Who do you think you're calling "old man"!?" Kakuzu was the one who charged at Hidan this time._

" _Ouch, let go you shitty fucker!" Kakuzu was pulling on Hidan's hair while holding one of his wrists and the albino was pulling on one of his stitched cheeks and using one of his legs to try to push Kakuzu away from himself._

" _ **WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"**_

_Pein had walked in on the scene taking place in the middle of the hallway, he knew the zombie duo often fought but he didn't want to have to repair shit inside of the Akatsuki base, if they wanted to fight they could do it outside._

" _Stay out of it Pein-in-the-ass!" Hidan was so distracted trying to win the battle against Kakuzu the he forgot he wasn't supposed to call Pein_ **that** _out loud and that he didn't know about the nickname they had given him. Once realization hit him he paled (if that was even possible, I mean he's an albino, so…) he let go of Kakuzu's cheek and put down his leg and once Kakuzu saw his reaction he let go of Hidan's wrist and hair. They both felt the dark and heavy aura around their leader, he had a psychotic smile on his face and he seemed happy, Hidan needed to run and Kakuzu should probably do the same because Pein wasn't happy about them fighting inside the base. But before they could turn tail, Pein had grabbed Hidan by the ear and looked at Kakuzu telling him 'follow me' with his eyes. They walked into the zombie duo's room and Pein let go of Hidan's ear._

" _We need to talk." Pein's face had looked calm but angry while they had been walking towards the room but now that they were inside, his scowl turned into a creepy smile, again. "First of all, Hidan… if you ever call me that again, I will, and I mean it when I say this, I will cut off your head and feed it to Zetsu, got it?" the smile was still present, yup, their leader was being passive aggressive._

" _Sorry leader-sama." Hidan felt like a kid being reprimanded, but he wouldn't say anything because he was fond of his own head and didn't think being eaten by a plant-thingy weirdo would be very pleasant._

" _Now…" Pein took in a deep breath "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS?! WHY WERE YOU TWO FIGHTING LIKE FUCKING BRATS!?"_

" _It was his fault!" they both said in unison. Pein mentally face palmed and took another breath before he continued speaking._

" _I forgot that you are fucking idiots, ok, let me try again…" he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes in annoyance before he continued speaking "Hidan you get to talk first and tell me what happened and then its Kakuzu's turn." He stopped pinching the bridge of his nose and opened his eyes expecting an answer._

" _Well he's being a big baby about cghwnjwl wyehjewrj qewkjfu iuqwjbe udbqdwb bjqbudj hduhqdo udiuqdnh judjubn…" Pein couldn't understand shit about what Hidan was saying after he had said the word about "because", the albino was speaking so fast his words started to slur and it sounded as if he was babbling._

" _ **SHUT UP!**_ _Ok, let's try this again… speak slowly so I can understand you." It took lots, LOTS, of effort for Pein to not strangle the idiotic albino. The albino pouted slightly before he spoke again, their leader was trying to fix things but he was being mean and interrupting him while he was trying to explain his actions._

" _He won't let me top." Hidan blushed slightly because of the conversation he was having with his leader. Pain just starred at Hidan as if he had grown a second head._

" _Hidan you do know we don't have bunk beds in the Akatsuki right?" their leader saw this as them arguing over who got the top bunk. Kakuzu was chuckling at their leader's idiocy and Hidan was huffing in annoyance. "What?" Pein was lost, what was so funny?_

" _I wasn't talking about bunk beds…" Hidan had a scowl on his face that lost some of its effect due to the blush he had. He received a blank look from Pein and Kakuzu chuckled slightly louder, and that made Hidan go over the edge "KAKUZU WONT LET ME FUCK HIM!"_

"…"  _Kakuzu was speechless he didn't think Hidan would get annoyed enough to scream something like that out loud._

" _And you were going to rape him?" Pein was very confused._

" _NO! WHAT THE HELL PEIN!" Hidan would never do something like that to his beloved Kakuzu._

" _Then why the heck were you two fighting." Couldn't Pein just stop asking embarrassing questions that Hidan had to answer?_

" _I can dominate too damn it!" Hidan had a blush on his face as he shouted out that awkward phrase._

" _Pft! What the hell! Hahahah!" Kakuzu couldn't help but to burst into laughter after hearing those really retarded words. 'WHAT A LOSER!' sometimes Hidan sounded more than stupid._

" _Shut up Kakuzu!" Hidan felt mortified._

" _Ooooh, now I get what's going on now!" both Hidan and Kakuzu turned their heads to face Pein "let me give you the talk." The worst part of it all was that Pein was being serious and he seemed to be enjoying himself, as if he was some sort of mother taking care of her idiotic children. 'So now they were going to hear about the "birds and the bees". Great.'_

" _So, when a zombie and an immortal man love each other…" Pein was in the middle of trying to give them "the talk" when Hidan rudely interrupted._

" _You sure you don't want to use some puppets for this? You know to make things clearer…" he was being sarcastic about the puppets but halfway through his statement he gave up on the sarcasm and started playing with his hands making some gestures as if he was holding invisible sock puppets that were talking, putting his hands in front of Pein's face. Pein slapped the silver haired idiot's hands away from his face._

" _No, I trust you are not idiotic enough to need puppets, especially sock puppets, but since you brought it up… now I'll use hand gestures."_

_Hidan didn't know what to expect and he wanted the conversation to be over so he sat quietly and waited for his leader to give him the speech already._

" _Anyways, I'll start from where I left off…" he cleared his throat as he continued "when a zombie and a stupid immortal…"_

" _Hey, what's up with the stupid?! I didn't say shit!"_

" _Shut up Hidan and let him continue, you can't say shit about him calling you stupid because you are; besides, he could have said something far worse." Kakuzu wanted to hear the stupid version of the "birds and the bees" from the orange haired man._

" _Whatever…" grumbled the albino and let the man continue once more with his speech._

" _When two men who can't die love each other very much…" Hidan snorted and Kakuzu elbowed him while giving him a glare "… and they want to show their love to each other in a special way, they have "the intercourse"…"_

" _Pffffttt HAHAHAHA!" both Hidan and Kakuzu started laughing at the words his leader had used, he sounded really fucking stupid, he sounded like a virgin trying to explain sex to little kids. '"the intercourse" what the fuck is wrong with him?' even Hidan knew that was his leader had said was completely stupid._

_Pein was a patient man so he politely waited until their fit of laughter was done before he continued with his educational lecture. Five minutes later he was finally able to speak._

" _Anyways, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted…" Kakuzu and Hidan were wiping small tears at the corners of their eyes "they show their love by doing "the intercourse"…"_

" _Pffffttt HAHAHAHA!" once again he was rudely interrupted by the zombie duo's fit of laughter. Pein had had enough of their idiocy he took a deep breath._

" _ **SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME CONTINUE!"**_ _once he had shouted the morons shut up "good, now as I was saying… when two dumbasses love each other and they're horny, they fuck each other very hard until one of them can't walk the next day."_

_And just like that the nice and sweet speech had died – because of Hidan and Kakuzu – and all was left were very vulgar words that would change their view of their leader._

" _so, first the people who will fuck have to choose who will top and who will bottom – usually they are not stupid and they can figure things out easily." They stayed quiet as Pein continued his explanation "if they can't figure shit out the next logical decision they make is play paper-scissors-rock and whoever wins gets to top…" ok, at this statement they could only stare wide-eyed at their leader._

" _Any questions so far?" both Kakuzu and Hidan remained quiet "no? Good, then I'll continue."_

_Even if Obito was laughing in the inside, he was slightly shocked that those two idiots had managed to break down Pein's calm and collected composure._

" _Ok so whoever gets to top is the one that…"_

_**(And the more time that passed as Pein described how intercourse between males worked the description got really, really, REALLY, graphic. And the hand gestures he was using were not helping, well they were but they made things much more awkward and stuff…)** _

_Obito shuddered as Pein finished his speech._

_Once Pein was done with his speech he let out a content sigh and left the room with a slight bounce in his step. Kakuzu and Hidan were let in the room shocked, they didn't speak to each other for the rest of the day, and instead they went to bed._

_**(End of Flashback)** _

**Well, that didn't turn out the way I thought it would, now I won't be able to look at my subordinate in the same light.**

**For being a straight guy Pein really knew how two guys got it on… well, I'm shocked too diary so even if it's early to go to sleep… I'll be going to bed now.**

**Tobi loves you and all that shit and Obito is your master and I'll burn you if you let anyone know my secrets, good night.**


	7. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how one of the tags for this is is Smut? Well here it is. It's a long chapter so enjoy.

_**Enrtry#7** _

**I haven't written in you in weeks diary and I'm sorry, it's just that things have been going on and even if I am the actual leader of the Akatsuki I still have duties besides taking care of these idiots. But I just had a wonderful dream I needed to tell you about, some of it was weird but most of it was awesome. The weird part had to do with Deidara but the awesome part had to do with Kisame! *wink wink* you know what I mean diary? *bites lip* ugh it was just so good! Let me show you:**

_**(Dream Flashback)** _

_Obito was walking in darkness until he found a familiar looking door, he opened it not knowing what to expect. He didn't open it completely but cracked it slightly open just to see what was going on inside. What he saw made his eyes go wide._

_Deidara was inside the room lying on his bed, that wasn't the problem though. What made Obito's eyes go wide was what the blond was doing. Deidara was naked on the bed pleasuring himself, and for some reason Obito couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight. He knew it was something he shouldn't be watching but he just couldn't make his body move away or get the strength to move his hand to close the door. His eyes widened further as he heard the small moans coming out of the blonde man's sinful lips, it was the alias he used._

" _Ah, Tobi, please… stop teasing me, un…~" the blonde was squirming on the bead as he played with himself. He trembled as he slowly glided his hand on his shaft and slid two fingers in and out of his entrance. Obito felt his pants tighten as he saw the display the blond was putting on for him._

_Deidara's eyes were closed as he leaned on his bedframe and he threw his head back in pleasure. He removed his hand from his leaking shaft and moved it teasingly along his skin until it reached a perky nub and he gripped it with two fingers and started playing with it. His palm's mouth opened and it started sucking on the pink nub._

" _Ah, Tobi stop, it's too much and it's too good, un~." Moaned out Deidara as he writhed and arched his back into to feeling, Obito was rooted in place as he continued to watch the blond._

_Suddenly he couldn't control his body and without wanting to he opened the door and entered the room taking the blond by surprise. The blond gasped in surprise and covered himself the best he could with the covers on his bed. The intrusion was unexpected and he hadn't thought of the one he was thinking of to enter the room while he was busy doing, things…_

" _Tobi what are you doing, un?" yelped Deidara as Obito ripped the covers off Deidara's body. The blond was still hard and his face was still flushed even if the reasons for that were different this time._

_Without being able to control his actions Obito ripped his own mask off and removed his cloak letting it fall to the floor pooling around his feet. Deidara's eyes widened at the sight of Obito's face, he hadn't expected Tobi to look like that. He didn't know what he was expecting the man to look like but he was pleased by the rugged and handsome features._

" _Holy shit Tobi." Commented Deidara as he watched Obito remove his black turtle neck long sleeved shirt revealing appetizing skin and rippling abs from the movement._

" _Call me Obito." Huskily whispered Obito as he grabbed Deidara's nape and pulled him into a rough and demanding kiss. Deidara didn't know why the voice he was using changed from what it usually was but he didn't mind, it actually only made him want the man further._

_One of Obito's hands snaked downward and he felt Deidara gasp on his lips as he gripped the arsonist's erection, he smirked and pulled away, "Tell me how much you want it~." Obito liked his lips and Deidara trembled._

" _Obito, I want you to fuck me and I want it bad, un." Deidara gripped the covers with one hand and gripped Obito's tan wrist with his other hand, "can't you feel the way I need you?" asked Deidara in a needy tone as he lightly thrust into Obito's fist._

_When he heard that Obito unzipped his pants and let his large erection spring out, Deidara gulped and his eyes widened._

" _Wait I'm not ready, un!" he pleaded seeing the thick erection between Obito's legs._

" _I'm not a patient person Deidara…" growled Obito and Deidara gasped as he heard his name sneak past Obito's lips._

" _I didn't finish preparing myself, please, un." Answered Deidara and Obito growled as he backed off slightly._

" _Then you better put on a good show before I lose my patience." Deidara nodded and lay down on the mattress. Obito sat on the bed watching the blond work from up close as he stroked himself at the show._

_Deidara had forced himself to take three fingers and was trying to keep his mind off the pain as he put him palm's mouth to work on his shaft .He decided to bite his bottom lip trying to keep his sounds in._

" _Let me hear you." Ordered Obito as he pulled Deidara's plump lip out from between his teeth, Deidara complied enjoying how dominant Obito was being._

" _Ah, fuck, so good, un~." Moaned out Deidara as he felt a tongue play with the tip of his erection, licking up the beads of pre-cum from the slit, he arched his back as the mouth roughly sucked on the sensitive spot under the head of his dick._

_As much as Obito was enjoying watching the blond fuck himself, he couldn't contain himself as his patience ran out._

" _Times up, get ready for something bigger." Said Obito as he ripped the bomber's fingers out of the pink entrance, Deidara whined at the loss of the feeling but was excited for what was to come._

" _Wait; don't go in dry, un." Whined Deidara as he pulled a small bottle of lubricant from under his pillow. Obito took the small bottle from Deidara's hand and popped the cap open. He poured a generous amount of liquid in his palm and close the bottle before throwing it somewhere across the room over his shoulder._

_He stroked himself with the cold liquid shivering as he completely coated himself with the lubricant. He used the remaining of lubricant to rub it on the entrance of the blond enjoying the way the opening quivered as he glided his finger over the wrinkled skin teasing before he inserted a finger feeling the heat._

" _Ready?" asked Obito as he pressed the head of his cock against the entrance of the arsonist. Deidara nodded needy with lust._

" _Put it in! I fucking need it, un!" demanded Deidara as he wiggled his hips trying to get Obito inside him. Obito smirked and leaned down to bite Deidara's neck roughly._

" _Don't tell me what to do, Deidara… I don't take orders well." Obito pushed his cock all the way in in one go roughly making the blonde arch off the bed. He waited a moment watching the blond writhe underneath him as his eyes were screwed together tightly. Once he felt the blond relax around his dick he started pulling out halfway out thrusting in slowly not knowing if the blond was a virgin or not. Judging by how tight he was he guessed that the blond was probably a virgin. And if that was the case, he didn't want to be too rough._

" _Faster, please, un~." Moaned out the blond as he wrapped his legs around Obito's hips; his toes curling from the pleasure coursing through his veins. Obito loved the way Deidara looked with his skin gleaming from the thin layer of sweat coating it, his hair was fanned out underneath his body and his skin flushed a light shade of pink. Deidara's body jerked from Obito's rough thrusts and he was in heaven, he couldn't keep his mouth shut no matter how hard he tried. Moans just kept flowing out of his mouth and a small trail of saliva was running from the side of his lips down his cheek._

" _Harder, fuck, harder, faster!" moaned Deidara, "break me, fucking break me, un!" demanded Deidara as he scratched Obito's back enjoying all the sensations flooding his system. His palms bit Obito's shoulders and he mewled out a moan as he came from the friction of his cock against his stomach and Obito's abdominal muscles._

_The tightening feeling around his cock pulled Obito's orgasm out of him and he growled pulling Deidara's hand off his shoulder and bit his wrist as he jerked milking his orgasm as much as he could. He felt the metallic taste of blood in his tongue as he let go of the arsonist's wrist. Deidara looked happily dazed lying underneath him. Obito licked up the blood streaming down Deidara's wrist and smirked._

" _Ready for round two~?"he felt his limp cock return to life inside the arsonist's insides._

_Deidara smiled and nodded, his crystalline blue eyes lidded with lust. As he was about to start screwing the blonde senseless he felt a large warm hand grab his shoulder and pull him off the blond._

_He looked behind himself taken aback by the sudden contact form another person. Silver eyes looked into his as he was turned quickly and laid on his back. Deidara was suddenly gone and now he was alone with the man of silver eyes._

" _I want a taste too, Obito." Obito recognized that voice, his eyes widened at the realization of who had been the one to pull him away from the blond, "watching made me jealous, I don't want to share you with anyone." Obito shuddered as Kisame moved swiftly and latched his lips on Obito's neck and kissed him with want. Soon he felt a sharp pain on his neck, Kisame had bitten him harshly probably drawing blood. He didn't care, Kisame had marked him as his and that's all he'd ever wanted._

" _Ah, Kisame, I want you~." Obito said loving the things Kisame was making him feel. He enjoyed the feeling of Kisame kissing his neck and licking off the blood he had drawn._

" _I need to prepare you." Whispered Kisame against his neck as he sucked and nipped in between kisses, he could feel Obito's heart rate rise against his lips._

_Obito's hand traveled over the sheets searching for the bottle of lubricant he had used with Deidara. He pushed Kisame off him as he remembered he had thrown the damn bottle over his shoulder._

" _It's somewhere on the floor, I threw it across the room." Kisame removed himself from Obito's body and walked in the direction that Obito had thrown the bottle. Obito wished he didn't need the stupid bottle so he could have Kisame with him again. Soon the shark-man returned holding the small container a glint shinning in his silver eyes._

" _Ready?" asked Kisame in a velvety tone that made the masked man melt completely._

" _You have too many clothes on, how about you take some off?" asked Obito as he looked at Kisame with lidded eyes._

_Kisame didn't say anything as he removed his sleeveless shirt and large armbands letting them fall to the floor next to Obito's clothes._

" _Better?" asked Kisame as he moved back to the bed and placed the bottle next to Obito's tanned thigh._

" _Yes, much better." Said Obito as he laid back, his skin connected with the silky sheets on the bed. Kisame popped the lid off the container and poured a generous amount of the slippery liquid in the palm of his hand. Obito spread his legs trusting Kisame with his body._

_He rubbed it over three of his fingers and the rest he spread over Obito's entrance. The younger shuddered as he felt Kisame rub his entrance. Kisame inserted one finger and Obito winced lightly. It didn't hurt, he was just expecting it to._

" _Did that hurt?" asked Kisame ready to move away his hand. Obito shook his head 'no' showing he wasn't hurt._

" _Keep going." Said Obito urging the man to hurry, this was something Obito had wanted for some time now._

_Kisame started to wiggle his finger inside Obito coating Obito's insides with the now warm liquid and stretching him out at the same time. Seeing that his actions weren't really causing a reaction from Obito Kisame decided to add another finger, feeling this Obito hissed in discomfort and held onto Kisame's shoulder._

" _Does it hurt?" asked Kisame, he felt the ring of muscles tighten around his fingers. Obito nodded slowly._

" _It hurts… but I'm alright." The stinging was taking his breath away. Kisame continued his ministrations slowly as he thought of a way to take Obito's mind off the discomfort he was feeling._

" _This should help." Whispered the S-rank missing-nin as he grabbed Obito's half hard member and stroked it, he was hoping it would have the effect he was looking for on the masked man. Obito shuddered feeling Kisame's hands on him. It was heaven and now he had forgotten of the sting he had felt before, now his brain could only register pleasure being given to him by the azure man._

_Kisame was impressed how quickly Obito had gotten used to feeling the intrusion of his fingers, the brunette was now rocking his hips against his fingers. Seeing this Kisame decided to add a third finger to Obito's tight entrance._

" _Fuck," hissed Obito feeling the annoying sting return. He had forgotten about it and now he was back to being uncomfortable; the pleasure he was feeling dropped back to being minimal. Kisame saw the discomfort present in Obito's face and sped up his pace leaning down to lick the leaking head of Obito's cock._

" _Fuck," hissed Obito and bucked his hips trying to get the same feeling again from Kisame. Kisame chuckled from the reaction Obito had and tried the same thing again, this time Obito bucked his hips again but growled this time._

" _Don't fucking tease me; I'm trying very hard to be submissive." Warned Obito lighting a fire inside Kisame awakening the animal inside him, Kisame smirked._

" _Really?" he asked in a silky tone as he licked a bead of pre-cum on forming on the tip of Obito's erection. Obito hissed again and couldn't help but to buck his hips at the feeling, the look Kisame was giving him making him hornier than he already was._

_Obito ripped Kisame's fingers out of inside him deeming himself stretched out enough and annoyed by the cocky tone of his subordinate._

" _Have you forgotten who your boss is?" asked Obito as he pushed Kisame down on the bed straddling him. Kisame looked up to him through lidded eyes._

" _Pain?" he asked feigning being oblivious to the fact that Obito was the actually the leader in the shadows of the Akatsuki._

" _Oh, is that so?" asked Obito, his sharingan dangerously spinning in his eyes, "let's see if Pain comes to help you get away from me then." Threatened Obito as he leaned down and roughly kissed Kisame's lips, dominating the kiss and biting his bluish lips every so often; Kisame was enjoying the rough treatment._

_Obito moved on to kissing Kisame's neck and gave it the same rough treatment making sure to leave bite marks and hickeys. Hearing Kisame grunt and hiss let him know he was doing a good job. He moved down Kisame's chest nipping at his muscles and lightly scraping his teeth against the older man's skin enjoying the feel of Kisame's chest rising and falling agitatedly. Obito sucked on one of the shark-nin's nipple in the same way he was sucking on Kisame's neck._

_Kisame enjoyed the way Obito was giving his body attention but his instincts demanded he returned the gesture. He only held back for the sake of his safety as Obito was still eyeing him with the sharingan dangerously spinning in his eyes._

_Obito moved down his chest to his stomach leaving a trail of saliva and marks in his wake, when he reached the waistline of his pants Kisame looked down at him smirking. Obito looked at him in the same manner and pulled the S-rank missing-nin's pants down along with his boxers to finally get a look of his long awaited prize._

_Seeing the thick meat between Kisame's legs made Obito's mouth water._

" _Take your pants off." ordered Obito as he looked down at Kisame. Kisame complied obediently while looking Obito in the eyes, his silver ones shining dangerously as he looked into Obito's literally dangerous ones without the minimal traces of fear._

" _I'm so afraid," mocked Kisame as he looked down at Obito, "what, are you going to suck me off as a punishment?" teased the shark-nin._

" _If I were you, I wouldn't fuck around with someone so close to your dick," he gave Kisame's cock a long lick, "it's really easy to bite it off~." Obito dug his fingernails into Kisame's thighs as he took the tip of the large dick in his mouth. Kisame smirked and bit his tongue holding off from saying anything that might get him in trouble, either by getting attacked with the sharingan or actually getting his dick bitten off._

_Soon he found himself with a massive erection proudly standing between his legs and Obito between his legs wrapping his lips around him trying to take him in as much as possible. He enjoyed the sight of Obito's lips stretched out around his cock and watching it disappear between the sinful lips while Obito worked what he couldn't fit in his mouth with his hand. He felt the tip of his cock hit the back of Obito's throat and almost came from the feeling._

" _Fuck, you're so good at this…" whispered out Kisame later hissing when Obito dug his fingernails deeper into the flesh of his inner thighs and took him in deeper in his throat._

_Obito felt the massive erection twitch inside his mouth and knew Kisame was close, he started taking less and less in to make sure the shark-nin wouldn't come down his throat. Soon he felt the shark-man jerk and his mouth was filled with slightly bitter hot liquid. Obito tried his best to swallow the least possible to prevent choking on the man's seed._

_Obito rose from between Kisame's legs and crashed his lips onto Kisame's sneaking his tongue into Kisame's hot mouth letting the man taste himself. He pushed the sperm out of his mouth into the others mouth with his tongue and forced him to close his mouth. Obito swallowed what was inside his mouth and covered Kisame's mouth with his hand._

" _Swallow." He ordered as he held his hand against Kisame's lips and gripped his nose between two fingers preventing him from breathing through his nose. Kisame glared at Obito as he swallowed the thick substance, "Good shark." Cooed Obito before he leaned forward and licked some of the cum that had slipped past the sides of Kisame's lips off the shark._

" _Now I can take over, right?" asked Kisame as he smirked at Obito and held his wrists. Obito pulled his wrists out of Kisame's hold._

" _Not yet, but when you can, I'll give you permission to go wild." Now that the beast was out Kisame didn't want to be told what to do. He would have been sweet and taken things slow but Obito changed the way things were going to turn out and now all he could think of was pinning Obito down and make him succumb to him._

" _I don't think so." Growled Kisame, "I'm just as impatient as you are." Kisame grabbed Obito by his wrists again. Obito just smirked in arrogance._

" _I don't think you understand your current position, Kisame…" Obito once again ripped his hands out of Kisame's grasp; he got on his knees and grabbed Kisame by his silky azure locks pulling on them so he could look directly into the silver pools with his sharingan, "I'm stronger than you in any way possible and I'm trying to play nice" Obito applied pressure on Kisame's chest slowly moving him down on the bed so he could lie on his back flat on the sheets, "so how about lying back and enjoying the ride instead of bitching, hm?" he straddled Kisame's hips grabbing the man's now erect member with one hand and supporting himself with the other on Kisame's chest as he guided the massive appendage towards his entrance, "besides, didn't you say you wanted a taste too?" questioned Obito teasingly before he hissed as he lowered himself onto the bluish cock releasing a shaky breath as his ass connected with Kisame's hips._

" _Fuck…" the wind was squeezed out of Kisame's lungs as he felt the tight cavern envelop him, "so hot and tight…" he shuddered as he felt the opening constricting around him from time to time. Obito was fire on him and he really enjoyed being burned, if only he could start ramming into the smaller man without hurting him._

" _This really fucking burns…" growled out Obito as he tried to move stopping in his tracks as he still felt the stretching feeling almost tear him in half, "you need to put your cock on a diet, it's too fucking fat…" hissed out Obito aggravated by the feeling burning his insides._

" _You sound like Hidan cussing so much." What Kisame said pissed off Obito and in a small fit of rage he suddenly lifted himself and slammed down on Kisame, knocking the wind out of the blue man's lungs from the unexpected movement._

" _Fuck…shouldn't have done that…" winced Obito holding on to Kisame's chest for dear life. The pain increased for a second but on the upside what he had felt a second ago made the pain that remained feel like a dull sting in comparison to what he had felt._

" _Don't do that again," warned Kisame as he took ragged breaths trying to compose himself, "otherwise I won't be able to hold back." Obito didn't like to be told what to do. After hearing those words come out of Kisame's mouth, he rose again and slammed himself down onto the manly bluish hips. The feeling of Obito doing that to him made him gasp this time and hiss knowing he wasn't allowed to move._

" _I can do whatever the fuck I want," spat Obito as he rose again and impaled himself on the thick meat, feeling it twitch inside of him. By now the pleasure was kicking in and the pain was minimized to something dull in the back of his mind._

_He was starting to enjoy it now and as much as he would have liked to tease the fuck out of Kisame, it was starting to aggravate him how much work he had to do to get the pleasure he was receiving._

_Obito was now impaling himself on Kisame's thick arousal and rolling his hips as much as possible to get the friction that was now driving him crazy. He half yelped half moaned as he felt Kisame thrust upwards meeting him halfway as he lowered himself. He opened his eyes and saw Kisame's toothy grin as bluish fingers gripped his hips and pulled him down on the thick cock as Kisame thrust into him._

" _Shit!" hissed Obito as he felt electricity flow through his veins from the new sensations flooding his system. After keeping this up for a short while Obito's legs grew tired and his pace slowed down._

" _Kisame, ah, I can't~." He whined, moaning as the blue man kept thrusting._

" _Now… can I… take over?" he panted as he didn't stop moving._

" _Yes~!" Obito yelped as Kisame quickly rose flipping him making him land back first on the sheets. Kisame snapped his hips forward making Obito arch his back off the mattress, "AH~!" Obito's eyes rolled back into his head as he felt a rough wave of pleasure hit him._

" _Did I find it?" asked Kisame as he thrust harder into the same spot._

" _Yes!" screamed Obito as he was delirious from how much he was enjoying the sensation that was recurring his body. It was so painfully good it made his toes curl as he wrapped his legs around Kisame's hips trying to pull him closer to his body and allowing the man to reach deeper inside, "fuck, ngh, faster, harder!" Kisame grinned wickedly as he complied and leaned down to place his hands on each side of Obito's head. Seeing this Obito instantly wrapped his arms around Kisame's back._

" _Fuck, you're incredible." Whispered Kisame between pants into Obito's ear before he licked the salty beads off Obito's neck and latched onto the tanned skin of his shoulder with his pointy teeth._

" _Ngh!" Obito clawed at Kisame's broad back as he felt a light sting engulf his senses as it combined with the strong pleasure that was deriving him insane, "I'm going to cum…" panted Obito between loud mewls and yelps as his body rocked on the mattress from the jerky movements of Kisame. His cock was trapped between their bodies and was constantly rubbing against both of their muscular abdomens._

" _I'm close too…" Kisame released the skin between his teeth and gave the broken skin a soothing lick as he moved to another spot on Obito's shoulder and repeated the action of biting down harshly to break the skin and draw blood, "come for me…" he whispered as he reached between their bodies and gripped Obito's weeping cock._

" _Ngh, fuck, it's too much!" Obito grit his teeth as he tried to hold on longer, the way Kisame was gripping him and roughly stroking him as he matched the pacing of his thrusts was pushing him over the edge and he had to use all his willpower to hang on as much as he could. His nails dug into the muscled back drawing blood as he struggled to hang on before falling over the edge. A strangled moan left him as he jerked feeling his orgasm hit him._

_Kisame growled as he came feeling his orgasm get ripped out of him as Obito clenched around him and sucked him in. He slowly pulled out and pushed back in trying to milk the feeling as he went through his high. Once he came off his high he pulled out his limp dick from the sagging brunette._

_Kisame stared through lidded eyes at the stretched out entrance as he watched his cum slip out of the opening. He felt warm liquid trickle down his muscled stomach and as he looked at his stomach he saw Obito's cum slide down his stomach. At the moment he found out he didn't care and looked at Obito who had his gaze glued to him as soon as he came off his high._

_He moved and snuggled onto Obito grabbing him by the hips and pulling him flush against his body. The force he had used earlier would probably leave bruises. He should have probably cleaned them off before all the fluids would dry but he thought it might ruin the mood so decided against it, plus he found himself feeling very tired all of the sudden._

_Obito shuddered feeling Kisame so close to his body embracing his body with such affection – also because he felt the shark-nin's cum slipping out his entrance, but mostly because of the way Kisame was holding him. He felt Kisame's lips connect with the back of his neck in a sweet kiss._

" _Sleep well." Was whispered onto his skin and soon his eyelids felt heavy and closed on their own._

_**(End of dream flashback)** _

**After that I woke up, it was the best dream I've had in some time. I felt awesome until I realized I also had a ragging boner I had to take care of. That was really embarrassing but whatever. Oh, yeah, and the Deidara part was really weird but I would be lying if I said it was horrible. With that said I bid you farewell diary, I'll write in you next time something awesome like this happens.**

**Tobi loves you, blah blah blah and I am your ruler blah don't let anyone see this or I'll destroy you and if you hang out with Hidan you'll turn out retarded too so stay away from him.**

**Bye!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't decided who Obito gets with so feel free to make suggestions. ( FYI The Deidara x Obito was Tobi's part of the dream by the way; hence Obito couldn't control his actions.)


	8. Jet Black Wing

_**Entry #8** _

**It's been two days since I had that dream and I still can't look at Kisame (and surprisingly Deidara) without blushing like a school girl and feeling retarded. What am I to do? Seriously this shouldn't be a problem for me, I'm a strong leader after all and the only things that should affect me should be things related to battle! Ugh, this sucks…**

**I don't know how to deal with this… fuck I got to go, Pein is calling for a meeting…**

**3HOURS LATER**

**Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Ugh! *Bangs head on table* Shit that hurt! This isn't right! THIS IS TOO FUCKING WEIRD! What am I to do? This is the first time I can't fix things by pretending to be retarded Tobi! Fuuuuuuuuck! *Bangs head on table again* Uuuuuuuuuuugh, I should never leave my room ever again, I blame all this on stupid Pein-in-the- ass for calling that stupid meeting for no damn reason. Oh wait, you don't know what happened do you stupid diary? Let me enlighten you in my situation then.**

**(** _**Flashback** _ **)**

_Obito walked down the halls of the Akatsuki base annoyed at his idiotic subordinate for interrupting his time of distress. What was so important that he had to call a meeting and interrupt his brooding?_

' _Stupid-Pein-in-the-ass… he could have just slipped a note under my door with a summary of what he was going to discuss…' Obito grumbled in his mind as he continued his journey through the never ending maze of halls. He became lost in his train of thought, soon enough he approached the kitchen where all the members of the Akatsuki were gathered for some reason._

_There was bickering going around between Deidara and Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu and Itachi and Kisame; it was an odd scene but he didn't care, it was odd because Kisame and Itachi were actually bickering._

" _Silence! Tobi is finally here and we can start the meeting." Pein's voice cut through the racket of voices. The silence lasted for almost a second before Hidan started yapping again._

" _It's his fault we had free time to complain about the meeting!" everyone was surprised at the lack of curses in the sentence Hidan spoke, "I say we beat the shit outta him for being late!" Hidan started cackling before everyone's expectations of the albino lowered again._

" _We will do no such thing, if anyone deserves to get beat up its you." Kakuzu looked at Hidan his sharp gaze. He was still pretty annoyed about being nagged at so early in the morning by the albino._

" _Enough, let us start the meeting so we can go on with our daily lives – not that any of you fucking losers have anything better to do…" the last part was grumbled to himself but since the rest of the Akatsuki were actually quiet everyone heard his words very clearly and that earned him a glare from everyone except Obito and Itachi; yeah they didn't have anything better to do._

" _ **Asshole…**_ _" muttered black Zetsu; upon hearing this Pein's gaze shifted to the plant-man and he glared._

" _Now as I was saying about starting with the meeting," Pein's voice was loud enough to indicate he was addressing everyone but his sight was focused on Zetsu, "You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen." His voice was stern and everyone in the kitchen was intimidated by his tone, except Zetsu who didn't give a rat's ass._

" _No, it's my kitchen too so I should be able to use it freely." Pein was about to start listing all the reasons why he was bitching about it when the other Akatsuki members beat him to it._

" _You need to stop putting fucking fingers in the fucking cereal you piece of shit!" Zetsu's attention shifted from the angry Pein to the angry Hidan, "I'm fucking tired of serving myself cereal and almost shitting my pants because you like fucking fingers in your food!" everyone nodded agreeing with him except Zetsu – and Kakuzu who was too busy remembering how funny it was seeing the albino freak out early in the morning while he was half asleep. The Jashinist would grab a bowl and the cereal and when the first finger popped out he would scream like a little bitch almost pissing himself, then he'd throw a temper tantrum and hurt himself. It was really hilarious and Kakuzu guessed he would probably miss that in the mornings if Pein's change would take effect._

" _I want to be able to eat my bag of chips without finding human bits in them, un!" complained Deidara as he spilled the contents of his bag of chips on the table. Everyone made 'ew' sounds when they saw an eyeball amongst Deidara's chips._

" _And Tobi wants to open the fridge without an arm almost hitting him on the face every time!" Obito could remember how he almost crapped his pants every time he opened the fridge to get ham. He didn't deserve this; all he wanted was a damn sandwich! Is that too much to ask for?_

" _I'm tired of opening the microwave and finding ramen with human bits in them too! I don't want my food looking at me Zetsu!"spoke Konan. Before anyone else would start to bitch at him, he decided to shut them all up once and for all._

" _Fine," Zetsu answered defeated – well more than anything annoyed and fed up at this point, but still defeated. Seeing that this issue had been solved Pein decided to move on with the agenda._

" _Also, as the treasurer of our organization Kakuzu has brought to my attention that our money for some reason is going into cat food, can someone care to explain why?" Pein didn't know what was going on but he just wanted to get the meeting over with so he could go back to watching TV._

" _Kakuzu I explained to you that Hidan gets weird cravings and he gets violent if not fed the cat food." Itachi made a serious face as he explained his reasoning._

" _That's bullshit! Do I look like a fucking deranged psycho bitch that eats cat food?"Demanded Hidan enraged._

" _Would it be bad if I said yes?" asked Itachi innocently and Kakuzu had to hold Hidan from slashing at the raven with his scythe. Everyone chuckled at Itachi's sarcastic remark and Kisame had to try his hardest not to laugh out loud._

" _Calm down Hidan." Kakuzu had to agree that it had been a good one but he didn't like anyone talking shit about his girlfriend unless it was him, "Tell me what's actually been going on, I knew you were bullshitting me and it was funny for a while, but I can't be spending money on useless things." Kakuzu's tone was serious but Itachi wasn't fazed in the slightest. If anything he was just slightly worried about how Pein would react – seeing that he was the leader of the Akatsuki._

" _I may have accidentally adopted five cats…" everyone blanked for a second, except Kisame and Tobi who already knew about the existence of the cats – well Tobi only knew about one cat. Hearing this Kisame leaned closer to Itachi and whispered into his ear._

" _I got a cat this morning…" everyone had heard the whisper and Pein couldn't believe what he was hearing. Itachi cleared his throat and elbowed Kisame before speaking._

" _I may have accidentally adopted SIX cats…"Kisame was slightly ashamed but he just couldn't help himself. When he went out to train this morning he saw the cutest white ball of fur with pretty sapphire eyes and he just wanted it so bad! He didn't even struggle to catch it, he called out to it and it just ran to him as if he was its owner._

" _YAY! TOBI LOVES PUSSY!" was Tobi's sudden outburst before he tried to run to Itachi's and Kisame's room. Pein grabbed Tobi by the collar of his cloak stopping him from getting away._

" _The meeting is not over yet Tobi." Pein's patience was running short, "we need to figure out what to do with these cats; we can't keep them."_

" _But Pein, look at this." Itachi pulled out a black cat from under his cloak, it opened its purple eyes and it seemed it was looking into Pein's soul. Now that he had seen how adorable it was he didn't want to get rid of it._

" _PUSSY!" Tobi tried to grab the cat but Itachi's hand on his forehead was preventing him from reaching the black kitty._

" _Don't touch it, it's mine and it doesn't like weirdoes." With that said Itachi put the cat back inside his cloak and all Tobi could do was pout._

" _It didn't claw at me last time…" Tobi sat cross-legged on the floor with his back facing Itachi; if Itachi was going to be a meanie he could be one too._

" _We can only keep them if they're useful. Tell me are they even ninja cats?" Pein wasn't so sure about letting them stay but they didn't seem feral so maybe there was still a chance he could find a loop hole for them to keep the cats and for him to still maintain his leader figure._

" _No, but look at it." Itachi reached into his cloak and placed the cat on Pein's hands, the soft fluffy fur of the cat felt nice against his fingers. Pein pet the cat and rubbed behind its ears making it purr. His heart was hit by an arrow and he wanted to cry. This was the first time anything showed instant affection for him. But just like all nice things have to come to an end,_

_Hidan happened…_

" _Give me that fucking cat I want to touch it too!" before Itachi could remove the cat form Pein's hands, Hidan snatched the creature away and started hugging it. The cat became distressed and clawed at Hidan. Hidan became pissed and threw the cat at Itachi, "I don't fucking like that shitty ball of fur! Get rid of it Pein, it fucking sucks!"_

" _Don't be a baby Hidan, you scared the poor thing it's not its fault you're loud and uncouth." Kakuzu reprimanded the albino._

_Hidan didn't care it was his fault, all he wanted to do was to hug it and it clawed at him for no reason. He wasn't rude, that thing was rude. Kakuzu was supposed to be on his side anyway, he was his boyfriend after all._

" _I'm sad, comfort me." everyone made a face at Hidan's words. Kakuzu didn't do anything as is boyfriend leaned his head on his shoulder._

" _We're in public, don't make a scene." Kakuzu didn't move a muscle as his needy boyfriend made displeased noises._

" _Comfort me!" Hidan started hitting his head against Kakuzu's shoulder whining; Kakuzu's eye twitched._

" _There, there." He patted Hidan's back with his voice sounding monotone, as usual. Hidan didn't feel comforted at all…_

" _Gee whiz thanks… you suck." It was weird hearing Hidan not cuss but it was weirder seeing him act so calm. Pein cleared his throat now that it seemed that that awkward moment was over._

" _I'm afraid we can't keep the cats Itachi, we need the money for other things."_

" _But Tobi loves kitties!" interrupted Tobi who seemed to have stopped pouting, "you can't get rid of them! What if a big scary monster gets them?" Tobi grabbed Pein's cloak by the collar and started shaking him desperately trying to make him give into reason, yes Tobi's reason._

" _Tobi, I'm afraid I ca-" before Pein could finish his sentence Tobi pulled the black kitty from Itachi's cloak and shoved it in Pein's face._

" _Look at the kitty, if you kick it out it will be attacked by creepy monsters… do you want that to happen?" Pein didn't want to defy his leader's orders but they couldn't afford to keep so many cats, if it was just one then maybe but six cats seemed impossible._

" _Tobi, I would like to keep them too but we can afford them." Pein patted Tobi's head before he looked up again. Itachi seemed displeased as he watched to Tobi smothering his cat._

" _Pretty please with sugar on top? Tobi can buy the cat food with his allowance!" pleaded Tobi one last time as he shook his head and held the kitty against his body, the cat now purring._

" _Alright." Sighed Pein defeated but secretly happy._

" _Yay! Thank you Pein!" with that said Tobi ran down the hall towards Kisame's and Itachi's room before anyone could stop him._

" _Well now that Tobi is gone I can't continue with the meeting… I guess you're all dismissed." Pein walked to the fridge and grabbed the orange juice; everyone looked at him dumbfounded but no one uttered a word._

_Seeing that no one was protesting Pein uncapped the container and drank from it. The rest of the Akatsuki stood there frozen not knowing what had happened while Pein walked away._

"…  _Well, I guess this means we get to keep our cats…" Itachi nodded in agreement to Kisame's statement._

" _Speaking of cats, I want mine as far away as possible from Tobi." With that in mind Itachi walked towards his room – he was sure that was where the lollipop masked weirdo was at. Kisame followed Itachi; now that the meeting was over he could play with his kitten and see Tobi. The lollipop masked man-child had been acting odd around him – well shy and stuff, he usually was hyper and cheery so his behavior now was odd._

…

" _You're a boy!" exclaimed Tobi now that he was finally able to find out the gender of the cat, "hmmm, what should I name you…? How about Simon? Do you like that name Simon?" Tobi felt like the cat liked his name since the cat didn't complain._

" _That's not his name, his name is jet black wing!" complained Itachi as he was nearing his room where Tobi was standing, "give me back my cat." Tobi would have complained about having to give the cat back but he didn't want Itachi getting mad at him. He handed over the cat only feeling slightly saddened._

" _Why did you name him that?" asked Tobi as he saw Itachi unlock the door._

" _That's none of your business!" Itachi walked into the room and quickly shut the door behind himself. He knew Kisame could get in whenever he wanted so there was no need to leave the door open; he wanted to keep Tobi away from his cats. He didn't want them to get attached to anyone else but him._

" _Itachi is mean to Tobi…" Tobi's voice seemed sad and Kisame tried to comfort him, he ruffled Tobi's short locks. It wasn't Itachi's fault he was acting like that, when he was younger he wanted to have a pet and his parents never let him have one; another thing was that Itachi wanted to name Sasuke Jet Black Wing but – fortunately – they didn't let him. Itachi was really happy to be able to name his first cat the awesome name he had thought up for his little brother. Kisame couldn't bring himself to tell Itachi that it was a dumb name so that turned out to be the cat's name._

" _Itachi didn't mean to act that way towards you… I haven't named my kitten yet so if you want you can name him Simon." Kisame smiled showing his white pointy teeth making Tobi happy._

" _Does Kisame-senpai really mean it?" Obito found himself feeling comfortable around Kisame again. It had been a pain in the ass to try to avoid him for no reason._

" _Yup, you convinced Pein to let us keep the cats anyway." Kisame unlocked the door, "besides I haven't thought of a name for him yet and yours seems like a good one." Kisame smiled at him with all his pearly whites before he walked in to the dark room._

" _He's still here?" asked Itachi in a monotone but he still sounded lightly bothered by Tobi's presence. He was just somehow in a foul mood that day; he almost got his pets taken away and he wasn't the one to convince Pein to let them keep the cats. Tobi was the one to do it and that slightly wounded his ego._

" _Yes, is there a problem?" asked Kisame warningly, he knew Itachi was still somewhat of a teenager but he had had enough of him acting moody towards Tobi for no reason._

" _No," stated Itachi coldly, "I have something to do, I'll be back later. Don't touch my cats." With that said the raven left the room._

" _Don't mind him Tobi; Itachi is just having a bad day." Kisame sat on the floor cross-legged and patted his lap. Tobi's eyes widened. Surly Kisame wasn't suggesting that-_

" _Meow!" soon a flash of white was settled on Kisame's lap. Tobi's eyes sparkled as he saw the cute white ball of fur._

" _Simon!" cheered Tobi as he scooped up the kitten from Kisame's lap and placed it on his lap. As he sat cross-legged besides Kisame he tickled the kitten's stomach making the kitten attack his hand, "wow, kitty's got claws!" Obito picked up the kitten into his palm and attacked its stomach with a tickle barrage. Kisame chuckled as he saw the kitten wrap its arms around Tobi's hand and attack his palm with its hind legs while biting at his fingers._

" _Simon really likes you; he started crying when Itachi first picked him up."_

" _Simon is really pretty, Tobi likes Simon too." Tobi rubbed his masked face against the kitten before he started playing with it again._

" _So… I've been meaning to ask you for a while now… Why have you been avoiding me for the past two days?" Obito's blood chilled in his veins and he stopped playing with the kitten subconsciously. He needed to come up with an excuse quickly to explain his odd behavior._

" _Um, Tobi had a dream about Kisame-senpai eating him so Tobi got scared… Tobi knows Kisame-senpai won't eat Tobi so Tobi isn't scared anymore." A blush was now engulfing Tobi's face and he hoped Kisame wasn't suspicious – he was very glad about the mask covering his face at the moment._

_A devious grin soon split Kisame's face as he leaned towards Tobi._

" _Well you know, I won't eat you unless you want me to~…" Kisame's toothy grin made Tobi shudder. Suddenly Obito had a flashback of the way Kisame had acted in his dream and it was scary how the grin Kisame had on his face perfectly matched. Obito quickly returned the kitten – which started to cry – to Kisame before he practically ran away from the shark-man._

" _Tobi is a good boy!" was the last thing Tobi said before he ran out of the room Kisame and Itachi shared as he flailed his arms around his head. He aimlessly ran down the maze of hallways before he accidentally hit something – or rather someone._

…

" _Ouch Tobi, what the hell, un?" Deidara landed flat on his butt as he rubbed his forehead where he had collided with the masked 'boy'. Tobi had landed the same way on the floor except his mask had protected his forehead from receiving any damage._

" _Tobi is sorry; Tobi should have watched where he was going." Tobi got up from the floor and offered a hand to Deidara to help him up. Deidara gracefully took Tobi's hand and received his help to get up. Deidara's mouth hand bit Tobi's gloved one and Deidara smiled when Tobi jumped startled – and from the light pain._

" _That was for making me fall on my butt, un." Deidara smiled delighted from Tobi's reaction._

" _Tobi said sorry!" pouted Tobi as he rubbed the spot on his hand where Deidara's hand had bitten him._

" _Also thanks for getting Pein to end the meeting early." Deidara grabbed a piece of his bang and combed it behind his ear, "You saved me from dying from boredom, un." Deidara's attitude towards Tobi seemed somewhat lighter today._

" _No need to worry when Tobi is here!" Tobi saluted Deidara – like a soldier would – before he tried to march away. Obito had remembered he had plans before Pein had called the meeting. Before he could fully get away Deidara stopped him by grabbing him by the shoulder._

" _Speaking of Tobi being here, why haven't you been bugging me lately?" Deidara turned Tobi to face him, "why have you been avoiding me?" Deidara's bang was covering his eye and the locks he had moved behind his ear had moved back to place._

" _Huh?" Obito didn't want to go through the same thing that he had gone through with Kisame again, feigning being oblivious to what Deidara was saying seemed like the best approach to the situation at hand._

" _Am I stinky or something? I bathe often I promise, if you want to you can shower with me if you need proof…" Obito's blood chilled once again as he clearly recalled his dream Deidara stark naked underneath him, he didn't know how to respond to that, "I was kidding! I didn't mean to scare you, un." Deidara thought he was being funny but apparently Tobi didn't find his joke as amusing as he had._

" _Oh, ok." Was all Tobi could bring himself to say._

" _Anyway, why were you avoiding me before?" asked Deidara again, he wanted to know why he was being avoided by one of the people who always paid him the most attention._

" _Tobi had a dream about you." Before he could think of anything he had spit out those stupid words that would get him in trouble. Deidara hadn't seen this coming, now he was curious about the dream that Tobi had._

" _Yeah, what was it about, un?" asked Deidara and immediately Tobi found himself blushing._

" _Tobi had a weird dream…" Deidara arched an eyebrow. Interesting._

" _Was I cool, un?"_

" _Yeah…" Tobi felt very nervous at the moment._

" _Nice, un! Say Tobi, did I make things explode in your dream?" Deidara asked smiling and Tobi swallowed hard. Why would Deidara ask something like that? It sounded so dirty._

" _Yes, Deidara made things explode…" Tobi's voice was trembling as he remembered the things that happened in his dream, Deidara made his mind explode – amongst other things…_

" _What things?" asked Deidara curiously as he leaned dangerously close to Tobi; the lollipop masked ninja felt as if Deidara might have been messing with him on purpose. He was afraid Deidara could hear his heart ramming against his ribs._

" _Um, just things…" Deidara didn't seem convinced from Tobi's words, "Tobi has to go now… bye!" before Tobi could take off as he had intended to Deidara grabbed him by the wrist._

" _Hey Tobi, do you like me, un?" Tobi's stomach dropped to his feet in an instant after hearing those words._

" _Tobi likes everyone…" Tobi tried ripping his wrist from Deidara's tight grip, he felt like he would faint anytime soon if the younger didn't let go of him._

" _How much do you like me, un?" asked Deidara refusing to let go until he got a concrete answer._

" _Tobi has to go…" Tobi was clawing at Deidara's hand desperately trying to make the blond let go. His gloved fingers not having much of an effect against Deidara's hand._

" _I'll let you after you tell me." responded Deidara as Tobi still struggled against him._

" _Ah, Tobi needs an adult!" with that said Tobi threw a smoke bomb on the floor and punched Deidara in the gut. When Deidara let go from the hit Tobi took off running in the direction of his room, "Tobi is sorry!"_

_**(End of Flashback)** _

**So yeah diary, I have royally fucked up! Ugh! I think I'll go and have a mental breakdown somewhere else and leave you in the care of Tobi again.**

**Don't worry diary, Tobi can bore you with his stupid stories while I recover. I don't know diary. Maybe I'll recover soon and I won't have to leave you in the care of this idiot for too long.**

**Hopefully by the time I return you're not retarded because of that moron.**

**Bye diary, remember I love you.**

**See you soon, keep me in your heart. Your master Obito will miss you (While stupid takes care of you in my absence, good luck.)**

_**To be continued!** _

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this please leave a comment and follow the story. Press the Kudos button and do all that stuff. I'm open to suggestions for future chapters. Obito doesn't have a set partner yet so you guys can help me decide who he'll be with as the plot progresses. Thanks for reading this far. See ya.


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